While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Hardcasual can reveal exclusively today that the Jewel Encrusted Skull you seek was not, in fact, the development team’s first choice. A leaked internal memo has revealed the iterations that the game went through, and in the interest of spreading some knowledge about the genius that went into this game, we’re publishing it in full.
Zoey is Bill. Francis. Over here. Look. Help. Bill. Bill. Francis. Louis. Bill. Over here.
How did I, Cliff Blezinski, become CliffyB? Kitchen-squats. And when Cliffy B didn’t bed a dozen women a night, what’d he do? Juiced pheromones out of dominant apes and slurped them like a friggin Diet Soda. Cliffy B takes action. So when folks get upset about New Games Journalism, the Cliffster fixes it.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
You think this is a game, maggots? Everything’s a game to your generation. Well, we’ll see who can play a game. We’ll see who has the highest score in a little game I like to call Shovel In Your Fuckin’ Neck!
Dynasty Warriors says: fighting with a small army under your command is no different from fighting with a large one: it is merely a question of whether or not you have another fifteen minutes to blow before dinner.
“It’s time to look forward,” Gould said, “I cast aside my old name that alluded to a pill-popping, make believe ghost chasing, giant puzzle of life running type of man.”
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.
