While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
To be honest, I feel the whole ‘video games as motive’ argument belittles me. I’m a thoughtful person. I meditated on killing my parents for a long time before I shot them in their stupid faces, tossed their bodies into the trunk of my Gallant, and drove it into the river.
Long have I waited for the armies of man and orc to reach the shores of Northrend. Here will the battle for Azeroth be fought and won by my army of undead soldiers. All that stands between them and the spoils of victory are a few respawn timers that have yet to be properly calibrated!
[INTERJECTION], I understand that [ORIGINAL GAME CO.]’s CEO, [CELEBTRITY GAME EXEC] hopes to [VERB] the casual market, but what about the [NOUN]-gamer? Why must you suddenly ape [MAINSTREAM GAME], when your fans demand more titles like my favorite RPG [MEDIVAL TORTUER DEVICE] Dungeon [NUMBER], or even the much demanded sequel to [COMIC] Vs. [OBSCURE FIGHTER]?
2009 promises to be a year of exciting new games – most of which sound incredibly dumb and ripe for parody.
Maybe Barack can fix this Presidency up. Make a few changes so it’s a little more checked and balanced. If he can do that, I might take a stab at term 3. But I’m not making any promises, America.
Mr. Journalism still occasionally wrote freelance, though no longer about videogames. Most recently, Hardcasual, as a symbol of their lasting affection, posted his 1500 word essay “Art, Fart and Paul Blart,” which drew parallels between Rothko and Kevin James’ on-screen bowel movements.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
To be honest, I feel the whole ‘video games as motive’ argument belittles me. I’m a thoughtful person. I meditated on killing my parents for a long time before I shot them in their stupid faces, tossed their bodies into the trunk of my Gallant, and drove it into the river.
1. Professor Layton and the Curious Shire
2. Cooking Mama: Turkish Kebab
3. Guitar Hero: British Empire Tour
4. Call of Duty: Maginal Line
5. Civilization: Apartheid
The 38-year-old Starman appeared Monday in court for a bond hearing. Mr. Starman, who recently hosted the Colorado Independent Video Game Creators Awards, served a six-month sentence in 2003 for owning several multi-bottle rockets without a permit.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.
