While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
“Guys. Guys, listen to me. Listen to this,” Mr. Phillips says before exhaling loudly. “We’re going to… okay, everyone target your target. I mean target your target… Is anyone else watching Family Guy? Hold on. I got a text message.”
Mr. Ryan’s girlfriend, who declined to be named, said of his behavior: “Sam is a great boyfriend. He does all the cooking and the cleaning, and he always knows all the best places to go shopping. But this is so strange! I haven’t seen him like this since the time we watched 300.”
The military community have banded together to devote time and energy into locating the missing spy. So far, they have uncovered twenty pounds of yellow cake uranium and the skeleton of a Russian mail order bride. Both were repackaged and placed back on their shelves.
Police shot and killed the local 33-year-old ape after he began to throw barrels onto the I-45 freeway. The primate’s motives are currently under investigation, though early reports blame the ape’s breakfast: a dangerous cocktail of bananas and peanuts.
Shove those adorable little balls of fluff into wooden crates, stacked three high, and leave them at the front door. If you fail to meet our demands by 7PM this evening, we will kill one hostage on the hour, every hour. We’re not fucking around. We’ll do it.
1. Professor Layton and the Curious Shire
2. Cooking Mama: Turkish Kebab
3. Guitar Hero: British Empire Tour
4. Call of Duty: Maginal Line
5. Civilization: Apartheid
Team works in tight situation. Combat means we are in close proximity. Sometimes laundry mix. No big deal if everybody on team take medicine, but lie to your team, put them at health risk because you feel shame about making sex with ugly prostitute or because you touch privates with other man, then you are coward!
New Commentator, The Great Gazoo: What’s a sequel without an unlikely sidekick? And who better to counter the bloated sportsman, John Madden, than the pansexual hellion, Great Gazoo?
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
“I’d say it’s a sun stain, like an effect from exposure,” said Seabald, confused and distraught about the damage done to his box cover. “But I can’t remember the last time we brought this thing out for a party. I imagine it’s just been sitting in the dark the last five years.”
The world’s fastest hedgehog got himself in a lot of legal trouble and nearly lost a lucrative position as Sega Corporation’s new mascot after one ill-advised night out at Special Stage, an exclusive nightclub on South Island. Sonic – who was in the middle of a nasty divorce with his wife over allegations that he was sleeping with underage Sonic co-star Amy Rose – apparently had sexual intercourse with over thirty-seven women, all in the course of a half-hour.
Only six copies of the materia have been located across Gaia. Though the summoned Badasx Aeris does not actually serve any function in combat, reports show that diehard fans of the martyred flower girl from Midgar are gathering in taverns and summoning her as many as fifty times an evening.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.