While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Marcia from Sales commented on the situation, “Yeah, Jim really doesn’t do well with stress since his wife left him. I hear him talking on the phone all the time to his shrink – I don’t think he’s doing too well. But man, there’s something about this game that’s really got him going.”
The autobiography of the psychic wunderkind who saved the planet over a decade ago debuted Tuesday at number three on the New York Times bestseller list and features a foreword by acclaimed inventor Doctor Andonuts. It is filled with 259 blank pages.
“It’s really fun when he chases us around the neighborhood while shouting stuff,” said Aurora, who at seven is the youngest of the grandkids. “Grandpa used to do that, but he’s been really slow since his back surgery. Besides, Sinistar goes a lot faster than Grandpa ever could!”
You may enjoy assembling sniper rifles, tattooing gang members, and hotwiring cars – but aren’t you a little upset that they cut the jizz-mopping?
“It’s shocking,” said Lynnane Runetotem, a schoolteacher who has lived in Thunder Bluff since its founding. “He was such a normal orc. Good dad, respected businessman. I guess they say it’s the ones you least expect that end up being the sickos. He transmuted Arcanite for me every Wednesday!”
They announced their engagement during a clan match last week. Teammates were shocked, but generally supportive. Clan leader, Sam Prince, who goes by TeabagLVR, called them “total new fags,” but wished them “the best and whatevs.”
The disastrous date couldn’t have been at a worse time for Jim, who was recently laid off from his job of seven years and was mourning the death of Banksy, his fifteen-year-old German Shepard, to cancer only days before.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
XXX/***********\XXXXX
XXX|…o..0……|XXXXX
XXX|..(_____)..|XXXXX
XXX\____o___/XXXXX
XXXXX|……|XXXXXXX
No other instrument leads to as much self-destruction as the drum kit. Rock Band 3 ought to put a timer in the corner that slowly ticks towards zero, making it abundantly clear that from the moment the drummer sits down, it’s only a matter of time before Death comes to claim him.
“Look,” Daniel said, leaning forward on the couch, “there’s a lot of sentimental value. I never told you this, but my brother and I would get up early on Saturday mornings and just play together all day. You know how things are between us now, well, it just reminds me of a better,” he paused to sniff, “it just reminds me of when we were closer, y’know.” He covered his face with his hand, and turned away from Shelly. She didn’t buy it. Not for a goddamn second.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.
