While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
Read the full story »
Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
“It was a stroke of luck,” said Agent Maurice Stratford, who discovered the first of the eighteen compartments. “The dogs, they can’t sniff out this stuff. There’s too many varieties. I mean, a green mushroom from Baja doesn’t smell like a green mushroom from Toad Town.”
“We’re proud to offer players a strong female protagonist,” said an Activision PR rep. “But even better, she’s actually a dude. So gamers can relate.”
“She’s just like my girlfriend,” said Hardcasual freelancer, Scott Pendrix.
An industry insider who wishes to remain anonymous revealed to Hardcasual that the instant crash button, or ICB, isn’t going anywhere. “Yes, of course it’s unnecessary, but you’d be surprised how many things in games are these days. Loading screens? Yeah, right.”
Incensed Nintendo loyalists filled message boards to offer constructive criticism like “want my binky” and “me make ca-ca.”
Today is set to be a red-letter day in the world of video game news, as several websites published exclusive reports this morning on some of the most anticipated titles of 2009 and beyond. It’s as if, for some reason, they all met and decided to break their stories at the same time. Weird.
A minority of progressive Covenant members have applauded the comic’s content when divorced from the religious context, a. The Prophet’s public relationship with Microsoft’s Major Nelson goes against the faith’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell policy.”
Noby Noby Boy is about the impracticality of a third party in the American political system, and how it’s unfair. See, the BOY is like the Republicans, and the Democrats, and then GIRL is the higher cause of… What? Shit, man, watching this dude eating has got me hungry. Wait, what time is it?
“My congregation has fallen upon hard times lately. We were praying for a miracle, unaware that all our prayers would have been answered if we had not turned out back on Pickacho and all his friends when they went out of style,” Pastor Belfry added.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
When my wife sees me pull into the driveway with this juicy morsel in tow, she’ll have to forgive me for all prior transgressions. Then the kids will follow suit. Everything will go back to the way it was. It’s a fresh start. A respawn. Redemption, thy name is Green Mushroom!
10.) Achievement unlocked: “Virgin 2.0”
9.) Don’t you hate grinding.
8.) Shh! My raid can still hear us!
7.) How do I invert your Y-axis?
6.) I call it “Active reloading.”
“Look,” Daniel said, leaning forward on the couch, “there’s a lot of sentimental value. I never told you this, but my brother and I would get up early on Saturday mornings and just play together all day. You know how things are between us now, well, it just reminds me of a better,” he paused to sniff, “it just reminds me of when we were closer, y’know.” He covered his face with his hand, and turned away from Shelly. She didn’t buy it. Not for a goddamn second.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.