While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
In the Fallout series’ alternate timeline, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was studied by the Brotherhood of Steel for his extreme acquired resistance to neurochemicals, and instead of his tragic suicide was frozen in a capsule moments before his death from excessive grooviness.
According to a source on the internet, a ‘resonance cascade’ is an “interdimensional rift that has the tendency to be extremely destructive on the dimensions it has torn.” It was invented by the creators of Half Life and has no grounding in real science.
However, most NASCAR fans are more interested in Mario’s present than his past. “We’re not offended by him bendin’ the rules,” said a NASCAR fan who asked to remain anonymous, “We just wish he weren’t so Italian.”
The match, which was broadcast live on Pay-Per-View to over a million households, was billed as “Fighters Who Didn’t Read Their Contracts”.
When reached for comment Terminator Salvation: The Movie: The Game said it has postponed Judgment Day “to summer in Europe and really think things over,” but doom is still “possibly imminent.”
In a statement released to the press, the pirates included several pages of ASCII art before their puzzling message, “Remember when it comes to tRM, we say: ‘for teh gamers, fuck teh lamers!’” The harrowing video included of an earlier victim, 0809_Phoenix_Wright_NDS(US).nds, spurred many in the United States to demand the military take action before the unfortunate victim was “dumped”.
Wright was allowed to speak briefly with the press and called his work with Hardcasual “enriching,” but when Mr. Littler stepped away from the stage to take a call, Wright knocked over his coffee as though to signal for help. Or for decaf. As of this newspaper’s publish the signal remains unclear.
“Moby Moby Boy” will not feature the typical guitar, drums, bass, and vocal tracks that Rock Band is known for. Instead, players will only be able to complete a song by donating to Moby’s pet charities and filling up the new “Charity Bar”.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
“The most recent game I liked was Shadow of the Colossus, obvi. It’s the only one with any artistic value. It toys with a narrative form that is rarely explored in video games. By the end, you become the very monster you set out to destroy. It’s reminiscent of Cloud’s unreliable narration in Final Fantasy 7. He’s actually a clone of Sephiroth! Could you guys believe that? That’s deeper than anything else going on in WoW.”
Halo: I’m the Master Chief. Chief, not chef. It’s a military rank. I know he was in the army, Grandma. I’ve seen his purple heart. This is nothing like Normandy. This is on Earth way in the future. That’s Cortana. She doesn’t have to wear clothes. Because she lives in my head, Grandma. Just like you lived in Grandpa’s head when he was killing the Nazis.
“It’s really fun when he chases us around the neighborhood while shouting stuff,” said Aurora, who at seven is the youngest of the grandkids. “Grandpa used to do that, but he’s been really slow since his back surgery. Besides, Sinistar goes a lot faster than Grandpa ever could!”
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.