While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Brown can hardly speak when asked about her decision to ask the Genie for Infinite Ammo. “I wanted to end it,” said Brown. “I asked for my husband back, but all I got was a glitchy cadaver. And the stench. Have you ever smelt someone that drowned in shit?”
I totally wanted one of these when I was a kid. They were basically the coolest thing in the world – and now, I look at it, and it just fills me up with all these feelings that I haven’t had since then. I mean, remember when you were excited about things? When everything seemed to be going your way?
“I think it has somethin’ to do about how one death can be meaningless and stuff in the face of so much meaningless,” said Fidobito, who scored over thirty kills with only grenades and a hunting knife.
I bet you don’t have any kids. If you did, you’d know that it’s just not feasible to keep them happy for more than a few minutes. So what do we do? Shut off our ears until they tire themselves out and go back to bed. Now shut up and heal me.
“Gwah… gwah…” he moans, his voice never rising above a trembling whisper. “God only gives a’ you… so many a’ chances… and I wasted so many! And a’ for what?! A couple measly coins? Gwah! Gwah!”
Shigeru Miyamoto will receive a call from his wife moments before his keynote speech. He’ll learn his cat has died.
In a tragic turn of events this morning, Hideo Kojima’s production company opened a black hole that threatens to shortly destroy the universe by announcing the upcoming announcement of their announcement of an upcoming game. The illogical series of events, made possible by a number of games blogs mindlessly fellating PR flacks, is believed to be the cause of the black hole, which began in the Tokyo-based offices of popular games news magazine Famitsu.
This has been a month let me tell you. Things have been both good and bad. Good things that have happened are that I have eaten many delicious eggs and both of my brothers surviving the measles. Bad things that have happened are that I stepped on land mine and exploded my legs.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
“It’s a wider audience, Val,” he said. “Broad doesn’t mean bad.” What an asshole! I mean, look at you guys. You’re dressed in pastels! Is that so you can keep track of each other in dungeons? God, I fucking hope so.
10.) Achievement unlocked: “Virgin 2.0”
9.) Don’t you hate grinding.
8.) Shh! My raid can still hear us!
7.) How do I invert your Y-axis?
6.) I call it “Active reloading.”
“It’s time to look forward,” Gould said, “I cast aside my old name that alluded to a pill-popping, make believe ghost chasing, giant puzzle of life running type of man.”
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.