While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Many in the crowd reach into their pockets and pull out cameras. They snap photographs of Mr. al Zhari’s pork-infused delight simmering on the cooker. Within minutes a dozen blog posts pop up on various blogs all over the internet, hailing the hot dog wrapped in bacon as “a carnivorous magnum opus” and “the bunless wonder.”
“You have marks all over your face and neck. Has someone been hitting you?” The boy takes a step back, his mouth parted slightly. He looks past me. Molyneux leans against the back wall with his arms crossed. He makes a strange gesture with his finger to his nose. Milo perks up. He kicks the dirt and laughs playfully.
After being denied entrance at every possible gateway into the Electronic Entertainment Exposition (yes, we even tried the loading dock) our group of thirty-four writers, photographers, cameramen, gaffers, musicians, animal handlers and beat poets waited patiently at the front gate for over an hour while he attempted to ‘remedy the situation.’ In the end, the prick told us there was nothing he could do.
A member of their focus group spoke with us about his input. Going by KILLA_KILLA_420, the young man released the statement: “FUCK U HOE U SHOULD SUCK MY BALLS HA HA PWN NOOB FAIL”. When asked for further comment, he pointed at his groin and said “JUMP ON THESE NUTS”, then repeatedly incorrectly insulted our racial background and sexual orientation.
Sony is sure to see negative effects from the leak of the Go, not the least of which will be the dulled response to their announcement during their E3 keynote. A source high up at Sony said, “The only thing that didn’t leak in that fucking video was the price. So at least we’ve got one trick up our sleeve. Unfortunately, we’re still Sony, and it’s $349 at launch.”
“We’re treating this situation with the utmost seriousness,” said Dale McGaffin, CEO of Play Mechanix, Inc. “We never calibrated the machine to withstand sobriety. It just wasn’t something we ever considered in our playtesting.”
The much-loved magazine reached over half a million subscribers at points in its history, almost all of whom read its insightful reviews while pinching a loaf. The magazine’s presence on the top of a toilet was the sign of any devoted gamer, and an instant red flag to any woman visiting the reader’s apartment.
The Ifrit lingers over the gaping crevice he has torn open in the Patterson family’s front lawn and awaits his orders. He stands nearly twenty feet tall, much higher than the olive tree Michael planted two years ago to shade the vegetables in Amanda’s garden. He’s really pissing off the dog in the yard across the street.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
I’m going to Afghanistan. In a video game. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Because my country needs me to play this game so I can fight in a real war one day when I’m bored or just really strapped for cash.
10.) Achievement unlocked: “Virgin 2.0”
9.) Don’t you hate grinding.
8.) Shh! My raid can still hear us!
7.) How do I invert your Y-axis?
6.) I call it “Active reloading.”
“One more fight,” Aaron says, his gaze focused on the screen. The 3rd period of the game has begun. There are no points on the board, because they’ve been fighting the whole time. “But we’ll have to play more hockey,” Peter complains. “Just keep checking my dude,” Aaron says.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.