While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Attempts to drag more excitement out of the game led Walsh to throw a number of Beatles-themed Rock Band parties. “It turns out all people want to talk about is why their favorite song isn’t in the game. Jennifer, my girlfriend, was all like ‘Where’s “Hey Jude”? Where’s “A Day in the Life”? What the fuck is “Boys”?”
“I remember strapping on the iron boots, sinking to the bottom of Lake Hyrule, and solving a bunch of complicated puzzles that had to do with raising the water levels so that I could get to this and that,” the ageless Hylian says with a sad smile. “I just don’t remember exactly how I figured it out.”
While morally correct in refusing a payout, one would be hard-pressed to deny that the fatal repercussions of Aldente’s unnecessary action have been anything if not far reaching. The fire, which quickly spread from his backyard across greater Los Feliz thanks to the areas atypical amount of flannel per square foot, screamed down West Hollywood by night, creeping onto Sunset Boulevard within days.
A reminder pops up: Why not take a break? There’s a picture of an open window leading out to a beautiful park, a serene forest, a city street. Omar wonders what kind of person would choose to push a bunch of buttons in a dimly lit bedroom when they could be outside? That’s someone he’d like to stab in the neck.
Hardcasual was able to get a hold of the Greg Tuplatski in question for a brief phone interview. He doesn’t see the similarity. “It looks nothing like me,” he noted. “We have the same glasses, I guess, but a lot of people have these glasses. It’s a little weird that we have the same tribal tattoo, though.”
“Thank the tropical setting,” says 1UP’s David Ellis in a glowing review that opens with lavishing praise on the game’s true-to-life peat physics. “The lower canopy’s foliage practically drowns the earth in organic material. Just wait till you see the colluvium deposits!”
Mario, the league’s chairman, said in a brief statement: “We here at the Mario Kart circuit come from a simple culture, where men are men, women wear bows and bake cookies, adults can race right alongside their infant selves, and monkeys and reptiles can race go-karts together.”
Are these messages an extra little treat inserted by the creators to add a certain amount of replayability? Or have they been planted in the Beatles’ catalog for years and we’re just now discovering them, thanks to the game’s strangely conceived “Play Entire Game Backwards” option made available after the credits roll?
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
As we all know, niche is the new broad. FOX has the conservatives. MSNBC, the liberals. We need our corner of the market that will blindly obey our marching commands in exhange for content that meets their concrete personal beliefs. We high-up’s at CNN have spent countless, sleepless nights asking the big questions, namely ‘What demographic can make us the most money?’
11:43 PM — A frazzled mother who had been in line for over an hour asked the two teenagers in place behind her to “save her place” while she “checked on her baby in the car.”
According to Mr. Bomberman, he and his allies are fighting a ‘holy war’ against the ‘forces of evil’ embedded in this country, one that can ‘only be won through acts of vilence.’ [sic] He ‘has no remorse for baby killers,’ all of whom he believes ‘will be judged in the fiery fires of hell.’
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.