Jeremy wears a huge grin across his face. His wide-open eyes are ready for any glimmer of the acceptance he’s sure he’s finally merited. After what seems like an eternity, Billy Gruber finally turns to him and says the words: “We’re talking about Arkham Asylum, faggot. Shadow Complex is so two weeks ago.”

The most serious claim against the architects is their puzzling decision to color-code the possible destructibility of all doors, vents, and hatches with the use of direct illumination. “We’re scrapping the first batch of luminophilic, missile-destructable doors,” reads one letter from the architects.

The song starts. A minute goes by without notes. The makeshift band is confused, but nobody says anything. They patiently wait for notes to appear. Perhaps the song has a long lead-in? James Brent, the fraternity’s leader and fake-bass guitarist, finally says what everybody is thinking, “Is this shit broken?”

Madden 45 Cover Athlete Revealed

No, no. This has nothing to do with the time I smoked opium and killed Mecha-Hitler. I’m not allowed to tell that story anymore. Your mother’s rule, not mine. Besides, aren’t you proud that Grandpa Blazkowicz mowed down the most evil man of the twentieth-century with a rail gun?

This is my first time meeting the Duncans, a family not unlike most. Their house is a beige-paneled ranch in the suburbs. Their dog is a Labrador adopted from the pound. And their mother is addicted to Peggle.

Don ‘The Wolfman’ Nelson locks the cafe door. “That’s a manifestation of my masculine insecurities in regard to my ex-wife. Me and my shrink have been working on that. Or, we were, until he was stabbed in the neck by the guilt over his three aborted babies. Have you seen our new KROQ hats?”

“This ain’t racial or anything — a lot of our tech support guys are from down there,” Bachman, a server technician for Facebook, says and makes vague gestures to his side. “But, hey, when Facebook goes back in time thirty minutes, I’m going to blame on the guy with the dagger that controls time!”