Attempts to drag more excitement out of the game led Walsh to throw a number of Beatles-themed Rock Band parties. “It turns out all people want to talk about is why their favorite song isn’t in the game. Jennifer, my girlfriend, was all like ‘Where’s “Hey Jude”? Where’s “A Day in the Life”? What the fuck is “Boys”?”

Hardcasual was able to get a hold of the Greg Tuplatski in question for a brief phone interview. He doesn’t see the similarity. “It looks nothing like me,” he noted. “We have the same glasses, I guess, but a lot of people have these glasses. It’s a little weird that we have the same tribal tattoo, though.”

“Thank the tropical setting,” says 1UP’s David Ellis in a glowing review that opens with lavishing praise on the game’s true-to-life peat physics. “The lower canopy’s foliage practically drowns the earth in organic material. Just wait till you see the colluvium deposits!”

Are these messages an extra little treat inserted by the creators to add a certain amount of replayability? Or have they been planted in the Beatles’ catalog for years and we’re just now discovering them, thanks to the game’s strangely conceived “Play Entire Game Backwards” option made available after the credits roll?

I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs until we bought this game, man. She’s totally breaking you and me up just like she broke up Lennon and McCartney. In fact, this is even worse, because we’re more than just creative partners… we’re roommates.

Hank had never wanted to play a video game, but this one had that special je ne sais quois he didn’t know he’d even been looking for, not just in a game, but in life — the chance to (”finally!”) grow out his hair and sing about love, free of obligation to his gender (”or something like that”).

You must be asking yourself, How did this mad genius infiltrate the studio under while your hawkish guard. Two words: Pym Particles.

Now his place on the leader board, the last good thing in his life, is at stake. The enemy’s name is The Beatles: Rock Band. The idea of playing the tired riffs of George Harrison… Why that’s like suffering through an hour-long elevator ride.