Mario, the league’s chairman, said in a brief statement: “We here at the Mario Kart circuit come from a simple culture, where men are men, women wear bows and bake cookies, adults can race right alongside their infant selves, and monkeys and reptiles can race go-karts together.”

Mrs. Henderson wasn’t the first to make a move, sexually. Ms. Viola had filled Pit’s locker with naked Polaroids, close-up pictures of her nether-regions trimmed in the shape a Mirror Shield. Even Mr. Dyer had begun watching him during those long walks from gym shower to gym locker.

Pokemon number 185 stares at the television with black, beady eyes. It’s firmly planted on the navy blue rug and looks like it hasn’t budged in days. It has a permanent smile on its face, but I can tell there’s no joy left inside that rock hard trunk. Only emptiness.

“Early ground reports estimate Israeli retaliatory attacks, when in response to Chu-Chu Rockets, have plummeted almost 85%.” says Taha.

According to a report on the incident by the Irvine Police Dept., none of the three had a history of depression or psychosis except Erik’s brief stint on Lexapro during the late 1990s.

Only six copies of the materia have been located across Gaia. Though the summoned Badasx Aeris does not actually serve any function in combat, reports show that diehard fans of the martyred flower girl from Midgar are gathering in taverns and summoning her as many as fifty times an evening.

Diego Veracruz, the GameStop employee who handled Gregory’s account, said, “that was a bunch of lame old shit, anyway. I would be happy to get rid of it. Seriously, I mean, a Dreamcast? He expects to trade that in? Sure, I mean, I guess I’ve heard of it – in my grandmother’s encyclopedia.”

Brown can hardly speak when asked about her decision to ask the Genie for Infinite Ammo. “I wanted to end it,” said Brown. “I asked for my husband back, but all I got was a glitchy cadaver. And the stench. Have you ever smelt someone that drowned in shit?”