“One more fight,” Aaron says, his gaze focused on the screen. The 3rd period of the game has begun. There are no points on the board, because they’ve been fighting the whole time. “But we’ll have to play more hockey,” Peter complains. “Just keep checking my dude,” Aaron says.

If in 2012 the American public wants to rewind and watch the Bush/Cheney approach once again devalue our great nation, Sarah Palin is an apt, if aggressive candidate. But if what they want is a power forward with an inhuman mid-range jumper, vote Malone. Karl Malone.

Samus blasts the spiked beetle and wipes the innards off her visor. She surveys the desolate landscape, spinning around to get her bearings. Straight ahead, purple door on the left…damn it. She sighs and opens her map again.

“Look at this. There’s been a seven degree rise in temperature over the past year alone. No wonder Glacius lost! He was being baked alive by greenhouse gasses,” says Dr. Pritch. “We killed him with our dependence on fossil fuels!”

Kefka summons a meteor storm down on the party. The giant burning rocks deflect off the Returners’ skin like tiny pieces of hail. Sabin counters by punching Kefka’s face off. “What the…what the hell was that?” Kefka screams.

It seems like it was yesterday that the two spent a long weekend traversing the totality of Ivalice in Final Fantasy Tactics. They brought each other Dr. Pepper floats from Sonic, they talked about women they were too shy to ask out, and they gave each other backrubs that they promised never to speak of.

“As I understand Freud, dreams are just small concerns of the day made into images that point to deeper desires and fears. But I work in a bank. I can’t imagine what goes through my mind at work that would make me dream of a tree with a boner nose making me swallow apples and spit them back at his face.”

“I remember strapping on the iron boots, sinking to the bottom of Lake Hyrule, and solving a bunch of complicated puzzles that had to do with raising the water levels so that I could get to this and that,” the ageless Hylian says with a sad smile. “I just don’t remember exactly how I figured it out.”