Some may say that the writing in Red Faction: Gorilla is “lacking in depth,” or that it “may have been written by a seven-year-old whose only knowledge of a gorilla came from a ripped up ZooBook.”

I ask where Ali’s flying. “He can’t run forever,” I say, words I had heard in some movie that somehow felt relevant. She looks to see if Ali’s around, then whispers, “He’s off to Vietnam. “But why?” I ask. “Ali hates Vietnam.”

Only six copies of the materia have been located across Gaia. Though the summoned Badasx Aeris does not actually serve any function in combat, reports show that diehard fans of the martyred flower girl from Midgar are gathering in taverns and summoning her as many as fifty times an evening.

The Ifrit lingers over the gaping crevice he has torn open in the Patterson family’s front lawn and awaits his orders. He stands nearly twenty feet tall, much higher than the olive tree Michael planted two years ago to shade the vegetables in Amanda’s garden. He’s really pissing off the dog in the yard across the street.

“I think it has somethin’ to do about how one death can be meaningless and stuff in the face of so much meaningless,” said Fidobito, who scored over thirty kills with only grenades and a hunting knife.

In a tragic turn of events this morning, Hideo Kojima’s production company opened a black hole that threatens to shortly destroy the universe by announcing the upcoming announcement of their announcement of an upcoming game. The illogical series of events, made possible by a number of games blogs mindlessly fellating PR flacks, is believed to be the cause of the black hole, which began in the Tokyo-based offices of popular games news magazine Famitsu.

Detroit’s fans, who put up with last season’s 0-16 record along with a disintegrating automotive industry, are now founding their hopes of a brighter future on the downloadable content. A groundswell of optimistic fans believes the DLC might even return the team (and the city) to relevancy.

“This is the kind of behavior we see among the most delusional players,” said Dr. Ng, “Most of these players were just mashing ‘fierce punch’ as hard as they could and occasionally pulled off a quarter-circle turn. Once they’re faced with online competition… Well, they may be in for a terrible shock.”