Are these messages an extra little treat inserted by the creators to add a certain amount of replayability? Or have they been planted in the Beatles’ catalog for years and we’re just now discovering them, thanks to the game’s strangely conceived “Play Entire Game Backwards” option made available after the credits roll?

I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs until we bought this game, man. She’s totally breaking you and me up just like she broke up Lennon and McCartney. In fact, this is even worse, because we’re more than just creative partners… we’re roommates.

Hank had never wanted to play a video game, but this one had that special je ne sais quois he didn’t know he’d even been looking for, not just in a game, but in life — the chance to (”finally!”) grow out his hair and sing about love, free of obligation to his gender (”or something like that”).

You must be asking yourself, How did this mad genius infiltrate the studio under while your hawkish guard. Two words: Pym Particles.

Now his place on the leader board, the last good thing in his life, is at stake. The enemy’s name is The Beatles: Rock Band. The idea of playing the tired riffs of George Harrison… Why that’s like suffering through an hour-long elevator ride.

Mark quickly types in his birth date, subtracting ten years from his year of birth. He clicks on the ACCEPT button and the video begins to play. The boys are immediately rewarded with a man stabbing a cyclops in the eye and then riding him around like a chicken with its head cut off. Techno music plays.

Jeremy wears a huge grin across his face. His wide-open eyes are ready for any glimmer of the acceptance he’s sure he’s finally merited. After what seems like an eternity, Billy Gruber finally turns to him and says the words: “We’re talking about Arkham Asylum, faggot. Shadow Complex is so two weeks ago.”

The song starts. A minute goes by without notes. The makeshift band is confused, but nobody says anything. They patiently wait for notes to appear. Perhaps the song has a long lead-in? James Brent, the fraternity’s leader and fake-bass guitarist, finally says what everybody is thinking, “Is this shit broken?”