The tables, it seems, have been turned – at least in the eyes of 360Gamer4939. Whereas once, he had to resort to mudslinging like “GEM IS A GAY NAME” and “ROLE-PLAYING GAMES ARE FOR FAGS”, now he has a strong basis for his argument – the brief outage of an online service, for a portion of PlayStation 3 users. “The facts are finally 100% on my side – the Xbox 360 is clearly the better system.”

“I was totally planning to “meet up with” Matt,” Mr. Wheat told us. “He and I were going to “hang out” and play the new Borderlands DLC “together” – I’ve been waiting for this for a while. But then the whole network went down, and how am I supposed to “connect” with him when I can’t even turn on my PS3?”

[all quotation marks have been added by the editor.]

“Yeah, man, I’m gonna’ nail that redhead, Kathy,” Garrett told Hardcasual on Friday, “I just need to lose a few pounds. Luckily, my buddy works at the health food store and he hooked me up with these detox pills. This should totally clean my system out.”

I’m going to Afghanistan. In a video game. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Because my country needs me to play this game so I can fight in a real war one day when I’m bored or just really strapped for cash.

No matter how clear the omen, how obvious the warning that something was wrong, really, really wrong, it seemed the Biedermans managed to fold it up neatly and pack it away to be forgotten like all those old linens in the closet. And the copy of Tony Hawk RIDE ensconced between them.

“It spits in the face of all those gamers who voluntarily gave up their lives to constantly play this online phenomenon,” says Pvt. C0rnh0lio69, “It’s like he never served! If he hasn’t been on a 25 enemy kill streak, how will he ever know to hit left on the d-pad to launch our tactical nuke perk and win the match?!”

Don’t let mainstream media brainwash you with their half-truths about Modern Warfare 2. Yes, the game does feature a scene in which the player can (but doesn’t have to) shoot civilians in an airport, however, in-game context proves developer Infinity Ward to be making an insightful, necessary point about terrorism, one I’ll explain soon as you suck my balls, faggot.

During a promotional event for heavy metal adventure game Brutal Legend, Jack Black was reportedly consumed in flames when a fan’s too close lighter tribute ignited the hem of his polyester muscle costume. First responders say it was nearly eight minutes before a horrified passerby splashed the star with a large cup of soda, extinguishing the blaze – admirers had mistaken Black’s agonizing screams for his signature metal yells.