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Today, we’re happy to reveal the latest trailer from BioWare: a seven-hour compilation of scenes from Mass Effect 2, including epic space battles, passionate interstellar lovemaking, and over fifty minutes of a player taking a prolonged cigarette break / phone call with a prying mother.
The old dwarf Billford reaches deep beneath Estragos’s outstretched wing and pulls out a small amber ring. He holds it up to the sun, squeezing his left eye shut. “It will instill fury in your heart,” he grumbles, “and protect thyself from scalding hot flame. It also appears to make your horses run slightly faster.” A silent moment passes, and everyone in the clan raises their hand.This is going to take all day.
The team delighted in watching the outraged maws of the internet snap endlessly. It’s the only thing that gives them any pleasure anymore; they couldn’t get enough of watching commentators react poorly to their stunts, and, in reacting, doing exactly what the stunt intended for them to do. It was better than sex.
“Seriously, honey, this would be a really fun way for us to spend a little more time together, if you’d just take it seriously. I mean, think how nice it would be if you were really great at Rock Band. And, I think, with a lot more practice, you could be. But you’re going to need a lot more work before you get there. A lot. So… Maybe while I’m out at the bar on Sunday, you should do that.”
When the dust has settled, the end boss is the size of a skyscraper, with glowing orbs of every color circling around him. He is a naked, platinum God, draped in symbols with the faces of lions and snakes. Our hero brushes the dust off her leather pants and says something disparaging. How is she supposed to take down an enemy a thousand times her size? One shoe at a time!
When Janna moved here six months ago with big dreams of becoming a professional journalist, there was no way she could have predicted that she’d spend seven hours a day behind her desk, answering the phone every twenty minutes or so, living the life she used to live back home….on a farm that exists only on Facebook.
For Lilliana Hanes, who controls Dante from her couch, there will be no “escaping” the fourth level of hell. There will be no “minibosses”, no “secret passageways” with “helpful powerups”. Instead, she will spend an eternity forced to lie in a vile slush made of freezing rain, black snow, and hail. No one will come to claim her, because no one will care. That’s what she gets for being fat.
