Rasool: You don’t really expect a terrorist leader to get a real sense of ennui upon seeing the infidel government fall to pieces under a hail of bullets and missiles – but I mean, what, do they think we never played Fallout 3?

Boy, did Microsoft and Bungie outdo themselves! The only thing that was missing was the quesadillas. Last year they had this entire spread with chorizo sausage, spinach and gouda, bacon and walnut…

“Bowser-only-have-a-couple-more-weeks-a-to-live! I’m-a-take-care-of-this!” Luigi shouts as he prepares to punt a turtle shell. Mario holds out his hand. “Let’s-a-think-about-this-a-little-bit…” he says.

“Sure, I haven’t played one of these FTSes since Halo 3, but I was really good at that,” he told us. “Plus, I loved that game – it was amazing that they managed to fit a full 40-hour campaign onto one DVD. Beat that, PS3!”

The character of Kratos is very different in this Chinese translation. Instead of being a ruthless, vengeance-driven zealot with a passion for disemboweling his enemies, “Mr. Bald” is a Han government worker who drinks too much tea one evening and has vivid dreams of a fantasy world in which he must whip magical beasts into submission.

Attempts to drag more excitement out of the game led Walsh to throw a number of Beatles-themed Rock Band parties. “It turns out all people want to talk about is why their favorite song isn’t in the game. Jennifer, my girlfriend, was all like ‘Where’s “Hey Jude”? Where’s “A Day in the Life”? What the fuck is “Boys”?”

A reminder pops up: Why not take a break? There’s a picture of an open window leading out to a beautiful park, a serene forest, a city street. Omar wonders what kind of person would choose to push a bunch of buttons in a dimly lit bedroom when they could be outside? That’s someone he’d like to stab in the neck.

Hardcasual was able to get a hold of the Greg Tuplatski in question for a brief phone interview. He doesn’t see the similarity. “It looks nothing like me,” he noted. “We have the same glasses, I guess, but a lot of people have these glasses. It’s a little weird that we have the same tribal tattoo, though.”