NBA 2k11 will be the first game to feature the groundbreaking, physics based, Sausage Stylin’ System. For the first time, players’ shorts won’t be the only thing flapping in the breeze as players make their way down the court. Now players will have a little more substance in their skivvies, as each will be accurately endowed with the very essence of manly-hood. Not only will players bob and weave just like their real life counterparts, but now so will their junk.

Sam hates when the wall tells him to floss. He never liked flossing when he was a kid. He’s seen a lot of blood in his lifetime, but something about blood coming out of his own gumline gives him a case of the shivers. The walls never hounded him about it until last June, when his dentist, Dr. Mettso, gave him shit about the number of root canals he’d need. FLOSS, it says, but he ignores it and walks back into the bedroom.

He takes a long swig of his beer, then falls backwards off his barstool. When he lands on the floor, he quickly shouts, “I’m not drunk! I’m jussst lookin’ to see if anyone dropped their iPhone 4G down here! Looks like… Nope, nope, not yet. Barkeep, you wanna top this one off? Looks like stthomebody sthpilled a bit.”

Hardcasual prides itself on a one year legacy of providing readers with AAA content on a daily basis and believes, in the case of Hardcausal’s Splinter Cell Conviction Joke, a few extra months in development will allow for that legacy to continue.

One industry professional described the news as “like hearing I’d have to see Avatar again in the front row. I’m just imagining a sequestered review session of 3DS game – 12 hour days of staring into a tiny ‘3D’ screen, feeling my eyes slowly attempt to worm their way out of my head to avoid the suffering. I mean, I thought staring at a HDTV for hours a day was bad – just think what it’s going to be like to stare into a grainy screen while monsters “leap out at me”. I think I should become a dentist.”

One citizen shared this grievance: “We’re only asking for a little transparency here. I’m willing to pay a property tax- heck, I’d even throw money at him for the ‘don’t stab me in the back’ tax- but I’d at least like to know beforehand where the money is going. I mean, I can see why we need a well for fresh water, and I understand why a brothel might attract more tourism, but a Thieves’ Guild? Really? How does that help the wealth of a city? A safe zone to train more thieves to rob people? Where does the money go then? Back into the hands of Ezio’s Architect, who then remodels the Thieves’ Guild?

Every monitor shows the bloated face of a recent iPad purchaser. They all stare into the camera with wonderstruck faces. They have no idea that the iPad has a camera that feeds directly into Steve Job’s office, allowing him to track the movements of every Apple user across the globe. In a couple weeks, he’ll know everything he needs to know to make his next move: world domination.

“I mean, I could pretend like I was waiting for the second generation. Or even just that I had a pre-order for a 3G one. But no one would believe me. I mean, look into these eyes. These are the eyes of an empty soul. These are the eyes of a man who knows that he is missing just one thing from his life – and he is unwilling to take those final steps to claim it,” Mr. Baker told us. “I mean, if I could limit myself to just the 16 GB model, then I could probably afford one. But I know I couldn’t stop there. I just know it.”