The U.S. Supreme Court has decided to consider a California law that would make it illegal for retailers to sell violent videogames to minors.  Let’s take a look at some past court cases where the pixel met the gavel.

• Fantastic Steve vs. Super Mario

While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins.  Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom.  When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act.  Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.

• Drew Bauer vs. You Bunch Of Fucking Homos

In early 2008, Xbox Live gamer Drew Bauer made news when he attempted to sue an entire server of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare players.  Bauer claimed that his fellow gamers had ruined his experience by being “pussy actin’ campers” and apparently “sucking each others balls”.  The case was dismissed, but Bauer claimed he found restitution when he “fucked all ya’lls moms”.

• Activision vs. Gift Horse

Activision achieved record-breaking sales numbers with their incredibly popular series, Gift Horse.  So, it made perfect sense when the publisher took Gift Horse to court in order to destroy it.  During the trial, CEO Bobby Kotick looked the money-maker right in its mouth – and then stabbed it to death.  Allegedly, the horse is being reassembled elsewhere from its spare parts.

• Your Grampa vs. Those Goddamned Nazitendos

Sure, your grandfather was in World War II, so you try and have patience with him.  When he took Nintendo to small claims court – claiming the company was run by a zombie Hitler – well, that was just too far.  Remember how embarrassed you were when he stood in front of the judge and talked about the PokéHitler Youth?  He screamed about that all the way into the white mental hospital van.  It’s weird; all the kids are wearing Pokéwalkers now.  You know who else wore a Pokéwalker? Hitler.

• Schwarzenegger vs. Video Software Dealers

All mild-mannered, California governor Schwarzenegger wanted was a vacation. Instead, he discovered a nefarious scheme being plotted by the Video Software Dealers. After playing one of their violent videogames, Arnold realized that his entire life was a lie.  All this time, the videogame dealers knew of a secret, alien-crafted reactor that produced oxygen.  The bastards just wouldn’t turn it on.  Well, all that changed when Schwarzenegger took them to court – the court of ultimate, white knuckle action.  He laughed maniacally as he mowed down the evil Software Dealers in a hail of legislation and bullets.  Standing in a pool of blood, he knew that finally, the children would be safe from violence – consider it a divorce.

Further contribution by Hardcasual’s Matt Clark.