“Bowser-only-have-a-couple-more-weeks-a-to-live! I’m-a-take-care-of-this!” Luigi shouts as he prepares to punt a turtle shell. Mario holds out his hand. “Let’s-a-think-about-this-a-little-bit…” he says.

We’re in the spare bedroom that he has converted into a makeshift classroom. Behind him, Luke is prying a bejeweled necklace off the dug up skeleton of a nobleman. Every few seconds he stops to spit in a bucket.

“The Tetris Effects is as tragic as it is uncommon,” said Edward Skyler, New York City’s Deputy Mayor for Operations. “The city hasn’t seen an incident with this high of a human toll since we lost an entire block of Lower East Side tenements in the Great Tetris of 1934.”

Mr. Forstall added to the announcement, “From GTA IVto Resident Evil 5, we live in a world that depends on downloadable content. And when this technology moved to the iPhone, we wanted to make sure we captured it at its most awful and vapid.”

“It’s amazing, the effects of playing a simple iPhone game on public transportation,” said psychology PhD student Chester Black. “We expected it to be a deterrent towards women who date men, but it appears that even women playing iPhone games are a form of ‘boner Kryptonite’. It’s just impossible to play these games and be appealing to even the horniest perv on the D train.”

But we’ve been doing our detective work here at Hardcasual, and for us, that means sitting back and thinking “What would Ghostwriter do?” And we think we’ve figured it out – “A Next Metal Gear” isn’t just broken English. It’s not another sign that perhaps Hideo Kojima may not have the best grasp on how to put a sentence together, let alone an epic narrative. No, in all the genius that is Kojima, he’s constructed… an anagram.

Looks like Gamestop has finally fixed Chrono Trigger DS’s goofy description.