Great Court Cases in Video Game History
Thursday, 04/29/10

While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.

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Articles in the handhelds Category

Hardcasual Writer Spending All His Time in Bar to “Find iPhone 4G”
Tuesday, Apr 20, 2010 – 13:07
Hardcasual Writer Spending All His Time in Bar to “Find iPhone 4G”

He takes a long swig of his beer, then falls backwards off his barstool. When he lands on the floor, he quickly shouts, “I’m not drunk! I’m jussst lookin’ to see if anyone dropped their iPhone 4G down here! Looks like… Nope, nope, not yet. Barkeep, you wanna top this one off? Looks like stthomebody sthpilled a bit.”

Just Thinking About Nintendo 3DS Causes Headaches
Monday, Apr 12, 2010 – 11:55
Just Thinking About Nintendo 3DS Causes Headaches

One industry professional described the news as “like hearing I’d have to see Avatar again in the front row. I’m just imagining a sequestered review session of 3DS game – 12 hour days of staring into a tiny ‘3D’ screen, feeling my eyes slowly attempt to worm their way out of my head to avoid the suffering. I mean, I thought staring at a HDTV for hours a day was bad – just think what it’s going to be like to stare into a grainy screen while monsters “leap out at me”. I think I should become a dentist.”

Area Loser Still Doesn’t Have iPad
Monday, Apr 5, 2010 – 1:23
Area Loser Still Doesn’t Have iPad

“I mean, I could pretend like I was waiting for the second generation. Or even just that I had a pre-order for a 3G one. But no one would believe me. I mean, look into these eyes. These are the eyes of an empty soul. These are the eyes of a man who knows that he is missing just one thing from his life – and he is unwilling to take those final steps to claim it,” Mr. Baker told us. “I mean, if I could limit myself to just the 16 GB model, then I could probably afford one. But I know I couldn’t stop there. I just know it.”

Penis Photographed with Nintendo DSi
Wednesday, Mar 24, 2010 – 0:01
Penis Photographed with Nintendo DSi

When asked what his future plans were for his DSi, Perris expressed great excitement about the upcoming camera-enabled Wario Ware game. “I’m totally gonna play that… with my cock!”

Preview: “Pokemon Noire”
Thursday, Mar 4, 2010 – 9:05
Preview: “Pokemon Noire”

“It was raining. Pouring, really. The kind of rain that makes it look like a Blastoise is right outside your office window. The kind of day you don’t use a Geodude or an Onix. The kind of day where the whole world is under a Jigglypuff’s spell. Maybe the Bulbas enjoy this. Not me.

Nintendo DSi Camera Used
Monday, Jan 11, 2010 – 2:49
Nintendo DSi Camera Used

A representative for Nintendo told us, “The Nintendo DSi’s camera serves many purposes – a way to show that we’ve slightly improved the product, a feature we can add to press releases, a theoretically useful piece of technology. We never thought that it could actually be used to take photographs, but it just goes to show the ingenuity and resourcefulness of Nintendo’s fans.”

“I Could Go to Work, but It’s Awfully Cold and Doodle Jump Is Right Here” by Lindsay Price, Jr. Copy Editor
Tuesday, Jan 5, 2010 – 0:05
“I Could Go to Work, but It’s Awfully Cold and Doodle Jump Is Right Here” by Lindsay Price, Jr. Copy Editor

I could go to work. It’s just, the commute is a real hike. Especially in the cold. No way is it more than 15 degres out and the office is all the way across town. By cab or subway that wouldn’t be so bad, but by foot across town might as well be across the Mississippi.

Kefka Really Didn’t Expect You to Spend Thirty Hours Leveling Up Before Fighting Him
Friday, Oct 16, 2009 – 0:56
Kefka Really Didn’t Expect You to Spend Thirty Hours Leveling Up Before Fighting Him

Kefka summons a meteor storm down on the party. The giant burning rocks deflect off the Returners’ skin like tiny pieces of hail. Sabin counters by punching Kefka’s face off. “What the…what the hell was that?” Kefka screams.