Recounting my story so far, I feel a large chunk of my memory is missing. Ever since Professor Layton brought me those roses, and our train went into a dark tunnel, I can’t seem to recall even the simplest of puzzles without the headaches starting again. It’s almost as if…no…wait.

Like a man after having sex or bowling a turkey, Jake struts with unearthly buoyancy. Nothing can put him down, it seems, not even gravity. Even the piercing buzz of his alarm clock this morning trickles around him like a burst of harmonic stardust.

What would the level-headed Chomsky have to say about this? That’s right: “You never need an argument against the use of violence, you need an argument for it.” Well, Noam I can think of one good argument: the Japs started it! How ‘bout that, YOU PUSSY?!?!

I know you’ve been good to me in the last year: I’m one of the finalists for Market Watch’s CEO of the Year, I’ve got soaring revenues…but EA? Seriously?

Anyone who doubts the incredible power of the Predator needs only to watch the excellent documentaries Predator and Predator II. Both films show the Predator as an experienced hunter who will stop at nothing to eliminate his prey – much as I have lead the charge to save our streets from the scourge of hard-working Mexican immigrants.

For 21 years, AJ Goldberg –a.k.a. Anthony O’Houllihan, Ang Yoo and Antoine Okeoke —has avoided the Noid. Until today. But first, before he can face his demon, he must diffuse two decades worth of cautionary measures, taking time to remember the good times, but mostly the bad.

XXX/***********\XXXXX
XXX|…o..0……|XXXXX
XXX|..(_____)..|XXXXX
XXX\____o___/XXXXX
XXXXX|……|XXXXXXX

The bar ungulates with beautiful people Allen has yet to meet and, if not for the next 16 consecutive Tuesday nights in which he’ll play their personal cipher to the final season of LOST, he never would. That’s because they’re different than Allen. Jacob’s a cook and a college drop out. Zelda blogs at a gossip site down in Soho and says she’s never heard of the game she shares a name with – even though Allen brings it up every time they meet.