Stupid Assholes At Your Office Obviously Never Played Final Fantasy
Thursday, 03/11/10

You can hardly contain your excitement while collating copies and forwarding memos. What will it be like to join forces with Sazh? Great warmth fills your heart as you call your mother to cancel another dinner. Mom can wait; let’s spend some quality time with a baby chocobo that lives in an afro.

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Civilization Game Causes Political Science Major to Rethink Pacifism
Wednesday, Mar 10, 2010 – 4:09
Civilization Game Causes Political Science Major to Rethink Pacifism

What would the level-headed Chomsky have to say about this? That’s right: “You never need an argument against the use of violence, you need an argument for it.” Well, Noam I can think of one good argument: the Japs started it! How ‘bout that, YOU PUSSY?!?!

“Dear Satan, What the Fuck Is Up With You Signing on With Electronic Arts to Make Dante’s Inferno?” by Bobby Kotick, the CEO of Activision
Friday, Feb 19, 2010 – 1:14
“Dear Satan, What the Fuck Is Up With You Signing on With Electronic Arts to Make Dante’s Inferno?” by Bobby Kotick, the CEO of Activision

I know you’ve been good to me in the last year: I’m one of the finalists for Market Watch’s CEO of the Year, I’ve got soaring revenues…but EA? Seriously?

“It Seems Only The Predator Can Save Our Jobs Now,” by Lou Dobbs, Former CNN Host
Tuesday, Feb 16, 2010 – 9:03
“It Seems Only The Predator Can Save Our Jobs Now,” by Lou Dobbs, Former CNN Host

Anyone who doubts the incredible power of the Predator needs only to watch the excellent documentaries Predator and Predator II. Both films show the Predator as an experienced hunter who will stop at nothing to eliminate his prey – much as I have lead the charge to save our streets from the scourge of hard-working Mexican immigrants.

After 21 Years of Running, Man Can No Longer Avoid the Noid
Friday, Feb 12, 2010 – 0:02
After 21 Years of Running, Man Can No Longer Avoid the Noid

For 21 years, AJ Goldberg –a.k.a. Anthony O’Houllihan, Ang Yoo and Antoine Okeoke —has avoided the Noid. Until today. But first, before he can face his demon, he must diffuse two decades worth of cautionary measures, taking time to remember the good times, but mostly the bad.

Hardcasual Pastes ASCII Art Into Source Code, Profits
Wednesday, Feb 3, 2010 – 22:35
Hardcasual Pastes ASCII Art Into Source Code, Profits

XXX/***********\XXXXX
XXX|…o..0……|XXXXX
XXX|..(_____)..|XXXXX
XXX\____o___/XXXXX
XXXXX|……|XXXXXXX

Nerd Serves as Invaluable Cipher at LOST Viewing Party
Tuesday, Feb 2, 2010 – 0:03
Nerd Serves as Invaluable Cipher at LOST Viewing Party

The bar ungulates with beautiful people Allen has yet to meet and, if not for the next 16 consecutive Tuesday nights in which he’ll play their personal cipher to the final season of LOST, he never would. That’s because they’re different than Allen. Jacob’s a cook and a college drop out. Zelda blogs at a gossip site down in Soho and says she’s never heard of the game she shares a name with – even though Allen brings it up every time they meet.

“I Hear the Redhead in HR Has a Sex Branch on Her Dialogue Tree” says Mark From Sales
Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010 – 0:07
“I Hear the Redhead in HR Has a Sex Branch on Her Dialogue Tree” says Mark From Sales

This is strange. Usually Tali’Zorah launches the conversation in any number of interesting directions, each more compelling than the one before it: should we fight the Geth? can we trust Cerberus? may I unzip my space blouse?

Copy of Sammy Sosa High Heat Baseball 2001 Paler Than We Remember It
Tuesday, Jan 19, 2010 – 9:02
Copy of Sammy Sosa High Heat Baseball 2001 Paler Than We Remember It

“I’d say it’s a sun stain, like an effect from exposure,” said Seabald, confused and distraught about the damage done to his box cover. “But I can’t remember the last time we brought this thing out for a party. I imagine it’s just been sitting in the dark the last five years.”