Stupid Assholes At Your Office Obviously Never Played Final Fantasy
Thursday, 03/11/10

You can hardly contain your excitement while collating copies and forwarding memos. What will it be like to join forces with Sazh? Great warmth fills your heart as you call your mother to cancel another dinner. Mom can wait; let’s spend some quality time with a baby chocobo that lives in an afro.

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Rockstar Games Considering Production of “Grand Theft Auto 5″
Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 – 1:58
Rockstar Games Considering Production of “Grand Theft Auto 5″

Several industry observers have suggested that we may see GTA V in the late part of 2010 – but rumors of a release of another Madden title have already begun swirling for that period, and some in the industry have even suggested that the “sequel fever” gripping the industry may also strike the Rock Band and Guitar Hero franchises. If that’s the case, we can certainly look forward to a crowded holiday season in 2010!

Square Enix Blamed for Worldwide Belt Shortage
Monday, Oct 26, 2009 – 6:00
Square Enix Blamed for Worldwide Belt Shortage

In a statement, Square Enix responded by saying it was exploring its options along with belt designers, manufacturers and distributors, who are ramping up production to meet the increased demand. “We continue to search for ways to develop our games responsibly,” the release stated, while adding that “We wouldn’t do it if it didn’t look awesome.”

“If The Kid Upstairs Buys DJ Hero, I’m Gonna Fucking Kill Him” by Victor, Your Building’s Super
Wednesday, Oct 14, 2009 – 9:30
“If The Kid Upstairs Buys DJ Hero, I’m Gonna Fucking Kill Him” by Victor, Your Building’s Super

I had never even heard of Rock Band. If you had told me, “Oh, yeah, it’s a videogame where you pretend to play the drums to songs,” I would have laughed at you. But how innocent I was. Turns out that was wrong, though. Rock Band is a videogame where at 2 in the morning, someone decides they want to try to play Metallica just by stomping their foot on the ground of the room right above your bedroom. And failing. Seven or eight times in a row.

Jared “Kirby” Smollen Claims His Dream Land is “Existentially Terrifying” and “A Little Gay”
Thursday, Oct 8, 2009 – 9:01
Jared “Kirby” Smollen Claims His Dream Land is “Existentially Terrifying” and “A Little Gay”

“As I understand Freud, dreams are just small concerns of the day made into images that point to deeper desires and fears. But I work in a bank. I can’t imagine what goes through my mind at work that would make me dream of a tree with a boner nose making me swallow apples and spit them back at his face.”

Local Terrorist Bored of Blown-Up Versions of Washington DC
Monday, Oct 5, 2009 – 10:09
Local Terrorist Bored of Blown-Up Versions of Washington DC

Rasool: You don’t really expect a terrorist leader to get a real sense of ennui upon seeing the infidel government fall to pieces under a hail of bullets and missiles – but I mean, what, do they think we never played Fallout 3?

Gamer Confused Why “Halo 3: ODST” Is Taking Him So Long
Monday, Sep 28, 2009 – 9:07
Gamer Confused Why “Halo 3: ODST” Is Taking Him So Long

“Sure, I haven’t played one of these FTSes since Halo 3, but I was really good at that,” he told us. “Plus, I loved that game – it was amazing that they managed to fit a full 40-hour campaign onto one DVD. Beat that, PS3!”

Hardcasual’s Top 10 Predictions for TGS 2009
Thursday, Sep 24, 2009 – 10:00
Hardcasual’s Top 10 Predictions for TGS 2009

This week brings the 2009 Tokyo Game Show, and with it an assortment of rumors, speculation, and Western journalists remarking about how wacky Tokyo is. We thought we’d share a few of the rumors that have come across our desks in the past few days.

Guy Who Bought “Beatles: Rock Band” Sick of Every Beatles Song Again
Tuesday, Sep 22, 2009 – 9:27
Guy Who Bought “Beatles: Rock Band” Sick of Every Beatles Song Again

Attempts to drag more excitement out of the game led Walsh to throw a number of Beatles-themed Rock Band parties. “It turns out all people want to talk about is why their favorite song isn’t in the game. Jennifer, my girlfriend, was all like ‘Where’s “Hey Jude”? Where’s “A Day in the Life”? What the fuck is “Boys”?”