I know you’ve been good to me in the last year: I’m one of the finalists for Market Watch’s CEO of the Year, I’ve got soaring revenues…but EA? Seriously?
Life imitates art, once more. Gavin Purcell, of Jimmy Fallon / Attack of the Show fame, tweeted yesterday that Mass Effect 2 was the Mad Men of videogames. Well, I guess that answers that question. We have to wonder, though – would Don Draper need branching dialogue to bang that weird Space-British chick?
While the President’s Day weekend promised to be a joyride for many Americans, who planned to finish Mass Effect 2, drink a metric assload of cheap beer, and completely ignore the Winter Olympics, a generation is now forced to ask themselves a serious question: are they bad enough dudes to rescue the President?
“Morality challenges” are one feature that the developers talked up to us. “Say, you’ve been raped repeatedly by your father. But you’re pregnant, and your community tells you not to get an abortion. But you can’t take care of the baby, and your mother is abusive. The only game this year that will give you an achievement for making the right choice is Precious: The Video Game: Based on the Movie “Precious”: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire.”
“Oh, cool, you like video games? Well, uh, my friend just played BioShock 2. Yeah. And he liked it. Or I think he did, I can’t tell. He won’t tell me until the embargo runs out. Isn’t that cool? Yeah, it is. Yeah, just keep talking me like you think I’m cool until your cousin looks over here. Yeah, then she might think I’m hot and then she’ll tell her friends. No, that’s not the only reason I’m talking to you. What’s your name? Oh, yeah. Great. Now look excited.”
Holy shit, it’s Mass Effect 2 day! The day we’ve been waiting for since Christmas was delayed to Q1 2010. But for those of us waiting for GameFly to ship it from Antarctica, or wherever their distribution center is, you can spend some time remembering how a drunken copyeditor overlooked Mass Affect 2, how Lord Zargon ordered all space marines to grow hair, or how you’ll never get back the 7 hours of trailers you watched.
Today, we’re happy to reveal the latest trailer from BioWare: a seven-hour compilation of scenes from Mass Effect 2, including epic space battles, passionate interstellar lovemaking, and over fifty minutes of a player taking a prolonged cigarette break / phone call with a prying mother.
“Seriously, honey, this would be a really fun way for us to spend a little more time together, if you’d just take it seriously. I mean, think how nice it would be if you were really great at Rock Band. And, I think, with a lot more practice, you could be. But you’re going to need a lot more work before you get there. A lot. So… Maybe while I’m out at the bar on Sunday, you should do that.”
