Holy shit, the new Modern Warfare 2 maps are going to be $15. $15 for idiots to lecture us, then teabag us. $15 for decreased Google-ability for our friend the Cod. At least it wasn’t $15 that mom spent on another copy of Modern Warfare: Reflex.
Without another word, he’s back at a new machine, and as we stared, confused, in his direction, we could make out his muttered “oh, the action is fast on this one” and “I haven’t played pinball since Rhonda got pregnant and ruined my life.” We looked at each other – Mom’s name isn’t Rhonda. Rick, my older brother, starts to cry, too.
You can hardly contain your excitement while collating copies and forwarding memos. What will it be like to join forces with Sazh? Great warmth fills your heart as you call your mother to cancel another dinner. Mom can wait; let’s spend some quality time with a baby chocobo that lives in an afro.
The tables, it seems, have been turned – at least in the eyes of 360Gamer4939. Whereas once, he had to resort to mudslinging like “GEM IS A GAY NAME” and “ROLE-PLAYING GAMES ARE FOR FAGS”, now he has a strong basis for his argument – the brief outage of an online service, for a portion of PlayStation 3 users. “The facts are finally 100% on my side – the Xbox 360 is clearly the better system.”
“I was totally planning to “meet up with” Matt,” Mr. Wheat told us. “He and I were going to “hang out” and play the new Borderlands DLC “together” – I’ve been waiting for this for a while. But then the whole network went down, and how am I supposed to “connect” with him when I can’t even turn on my PS3?”
[all quotation marks have been added by the editor.]
WHAT ARE THE ODDS? – 20 Points – You were connected with five women in a row.
BUY A LOTTERY TICKET – 50 Points – A woman stopped her pathological “next”-clicking to ask you whether you wanted to see her practice her striptease routine.
I know you’ve been good to me in the last year: I’m one of the finalists for Market Watch’s CEO of the Year, I’ve got soaring revenues…but EA? Seriously?
Life imitates art, once more. Gavin Purcell, of Jimmy Fallon / Attack of the Show fame, tweeted yesterday that Mass Effect 2 was the Mad Men of videogames. Well, I guess that answers that question. We have to wonder, though – would Don Draper need branching dialogue to bang that weird Space-British chick?
