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Stupid Assholes At Your Office Obviously Never Played Final Fantasy

Thursday, 03/11/10

You can hardly contain your excitement while collating copies and forwarding memos. What will it be like to join forces with Sazh? Great warmth fills your heart as you call your mother to cancel another dinner. Mom can wait; let’s spend some quality time with a baby chocobo that lives in an afro.

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Wednesday, 03/10/10 – 12:48 pm

With God of War III’s release, the Kratos Trilogy has finally come to a close. While Hardcasual is really going to miss all the foot-slashing, we know that these are things a “mature” person shouldn’t enjoy. (And certainly no one under the age of eighteen.) We haven’t played it yet, though, because we plan on importing the Chinese version of the game: Mr. Bald’s Jumprope Tag Adventure!

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Hardcasual is published every weekday with video game humor, satire, and news.

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PRESS RECOGNITION

WEBSITE OF THE MONTH, Edge Magazine, June 2009 – “A videogaming attempt at the Onion… Plenty of belly laughs.”

“BEST OF HUMOUR… Hardcasual is the magic mirror for gamers who aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves, and each other.” – Gaz Deaves, Video Games Records Manager, Guinness Book of World Records

“I liked Hardcasual when it was serious. Then they made a joke about me and turned into a comedy site. Now I like them even more… These guys are like The Onion of video games.”
– Stephen Totilo, Kotaku / MTV Multiplayer

WRITERS / EDITORS

Chris Littler
Chris Plante
Sam Ryan

Detroit, Michigan
Gordon Freelander spotted chasing paparazzi off his driveway, who were snapping pictures of him as he fixed up his cherry red 1976 Ford Mustang.

“Call of Duty has Crippled my Googlability,” says Local Cod

“It’s the nature of Google. The strong make it up stream. The weak flounder,” says Activision CEO, Bobby Kottick. “That said, we do understand cod’s having a reel hard time.”

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Cliffy B’s 10 Badass Ways to Fix New Games Journalism

How did I, Cliff Blezinski, become CliffyB? Kitchen-squats. And when Cliffy B didn’t bed a dozen women a night, what’d he do? Juiced pheromones out of dominant apes and slurped them like a friggin Diet Soda. Cliffy B takes action. So when folks get upset about New Games Journalism, the Cliffster fixes it.

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Jared “Kirby” Smollen Claims His Dream Land is “Existentially Terrifying” and “A Little Gay”

“As I understand Freud, dreams are just small concerns of the day made into images that point to deeper desires and fears. But I work in a bank. I can’t imagine what goes through my mind at work that would make me dream of a tree with a boner nose making me swallow apples and spit them back at his face.”

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