While tapes of the banned BioShock 2/Go Daddy cross promotional Super Bowl  commercial have since been confiscated by the Tallahassee Police Department, Hardcasual is proud to release the original script, unedited.

EXT. SPA – GOLDEN HOUR

DANICA PATRICK, naked except for a lucky white bath towel, sprawls on a massage table. BIG DADDY, in a revealing tank top, lumbers above her, squeezing out a bottle of canola oil onto her back.

DANICA: I really need this

BIG DADDY: Hrawr bwar rawr?

DANICA: Yeah, that’s me. The Go Daddy Girl.

BIG DADDY: Brawrrrrr, hwar bwar.

DANIC: I know. Go Daddy offers web hosting for as low as $7.49 a month.

BIG DADDY: Grawrrrr?

DANICA: You. A Go Daddy girl?

The Big Daddy points to it’s arm drill, giving the appendage a proud, joyful rev.

DANICA: (To the camera) Now that wasn’t in the brochure. (Back to Big Daddy) Maybe we can talk about it after a back rub?

BIG DADDY: Mwar.

Big Daddy slams the drill into Danica’s spine, which spits up a milky fluid across Big Daddy’s mask. The drill chokes then plunges deeper into Danica, spinning and chipping up snaps of rib cage and flecks of organs until the steel catches again on a stubborn patch of bone, forcing what’s left of the woman to spin like a meat dreidle.

DANICA’S DISEMBODIED HEAD: Go online to see the version too risque for TV!

BIG DADDY: Crawrrrrrrrrr!

Cue “Go Daddy” theme and snap to black.