Seen on the Streets 2.8.10
Monday, February 8, 2010
Your Pocket
The marbles from Marble Madness were last seen clacking around in… What do you mean they’re not there? You took them. I saw you take them! Shit. Check the couch cushions.
While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Your Pocket
The marbles from Marble Madness were last seen clacking around in… What do you mean they’re not there? You took them. I saw you take them! Shit. Check the couch cushions.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
“It’s the nature of Google. The strong make it up stream. The weak flounder,” says Activision CEO, Bobby Kottick. “That said, we do understand cod’s having a reel hard time.”
How did I, Cliff Blezinski, become CliffyB? Kitchen-squats. And when Cliffy B didn’t bed a dozen women a night, what’d he do? Juiced pheromones out of dominant apes and slurped them like a friggin Diet Soda. Cliffy B takes action. So when folks get upset about New Games Journalism, the Cliffster fixes it.
These guys mean business. They lay down the law. They don’t have the time to stop and ask themselves, ”Do all these people even belong to the gang that’s holding the mayor’s daughter for ransom?” No. Of course not. But that’s the deal, people of Metro City. If you’re on this street right now, you’re getting your ass kickboxed out of commission.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.