While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Holy shit, it’s Mass Effect 2 day! The day we’ve been waiting for since Christmas was delayed to Q1 2010. But for those of us waiting for GameFly to ship it from Antarctica, or wherever their distribution center is, you can spend some time remembering how a drunken copyeditor overlooked Mass Affect 2, how Lord Zargon ordered all space marines to grow hair, or how you’ll never get back the 7 hours of trailers you watched.
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
The man, who looks to be around fifty years old, has ratty bleached hair and large scar across his right cheek. He is trying to collect enough change to print his own version of the Bible.
11:43 PM — A frazzled mother who had been in line for over an hour asked the two teenagers in place behind her to “save her place” while she “checked on her baby in the car.”
Brown can hardly speak when asked about her decision to ask the Genie for Infinite Ammo. “I wanted to end it,” said Brown. “I asked for my husband back, but all I got was a glitchy cadaver. And the stench. Have you ever smelt someone that drowned in shit?”
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.