BioWare has exhausted their options. “We’ve release a 2 minute trailer. We’ve released a five-minute web-only trailer. We’ve release a 10-minute weapons featurette for the Modern Warfare 2 nerds who know the difference between a futuristic rifle and a futuristic carbine. Let’s just say that our video team has spent more hour putting together trailers in the last four months than our dialogue team spent on Dragon Age: Origins.”

So today, we’re happy to reveal the latest trailer from BioWare: a seven-hour compilation of scenes from Mass Effect 2, including epic space battles, passionate interstellar lovemaking, and over fifty minutes of a player taking a prolonged cigarette break / phone call with a prying mother.

Yes, BioWare, after years of granting only the most exclusive press access to Mass Effect 2, has opened their vaults to the internet. Their new 7 hour trailer promises to only scratch the surface of the new game, which representatives have promised will last up to 20 hours, or 30 when including breaks for cigarettes, opening beers, or wondering what went wrong in their lives that they’re playing it.

Many have wondered if non-gamers would possibly been able to respond to a trailer with such a massive time undertaking. Jim Robecks of BioWare, though, told us, “BioWare has never been concerned with non-gamers. That 4-minute trailer during the NFC playoff game? One of those doctor faggots lost a bet. Believe me, he didn’t even know that football games were on Sunday until last Thursday.”

When asked for a comment, Dr. Ray Muzyka, one of the founders of BioWare, told us, “Please buy the game. I can’t practice medicine again, except for in Bengladesh. And I’ve angered the government there. Watch this trailer. It’s very exciting. You’d spend $60 on this, right? Right? Oh, Jesus, I can’t go back to the killing fields.”