I thought last night was a fluke, a weird happening like a red moon or an alignment of the stars. A 2012 for the Treasure Island Kahunaville. But here it is, again. A bar full of mysterious, skinny men with crust under their eyes like they haven’t slept in days and stains under their arms like they haven’t showered in longer.

“Sure hon, I’ll get you a drink. Huh? Oh. No, you don’t need to show me your press badge. You’re at the bar not the conference hall. No, really, please stop waving it in my face.”

Can you believe these guys? It’s like they’ve never seen a waitress before. Like really. Never once.

I just want to grab them by their neon-hued hoodies and scream, “Can’t you see you’re not welcome here?! This is a place for the beautiful people: college students, divorcees and waitresses with cheap boob jobs. Boob jobs they didn’t really want. “Practical” boob jobs, because everyone – and I mean everyone – has always known that the flat girls get pushed on the low-tip bars of the Camelot or the Luxor. And old flat girls, God, who knows where they get pushed. Off a cliff?”

“So listen nerds, I don’t have time for your iPhone this and your Google that” That’s what I want to say, but instead….

“Here’s your drink. Oh, you want some hot wings? I don’t know what me getting hot wings has to do with your business card. Oh, right, the contest. Yeah, we put the cards in a fish bowl and have a raffle. The winner gets a body shot. What’s a body shot? Know what, I think you should Google it.”

Look at this thin, this funny business card. Ko-ta-ku. What’s a Ko-ta-ku? I bet it’s Japanese for “Doesn’t tip well.”

Mr. yadda-yadda. Email yadda-yadda. Title “Video Game Journalist.”

Video game journalist? Ha. That’s a real laugh. Wonder what they’d think of their waitress if they knew she went to the honorable Mizzou for J-school. Not undergrad, but grad. And nearly finished before baby Cole came along. Life was a party. Then I moved to Vegas.

Who cares what they think. They aren’t tippin’ me for my brains.

I wonder if they’ll be here tomorrow. Like, what could possibly attract a gaggle of video game journalists to Vegas?

The Adult Entertaiment Expo. What else?