Well, here’s my introduction, where I would attempt to pull you into the story with the hope that you’d read more than the first paragraph, but, odds are, you’ve already scrolled down to the pictures of the chicks in sexy costumes.

I mean, I could say all sorts of weird shit, like, I was molested by my best friend’s deaf sister when I was eight or sometimes I stick my boogers in my girlfriend’s mouth when she’s sleeping and no one would ever know, because you’re all too busy whacking off to one of these pictures.

Here are the pictures. Look at them and try to remember back to when this site was about video games:

Did you make it down here? I doubt it. Go get a Kleenex, already.

I punched a little kid in the mouth in the bathroom at Arby’s and never got caught.

Hey, thanks for clicking on this link, by the way, because when that hit count reaches 20,000, the article gets flagged and a little alert is sent out to my editor. Thanks to you, there’ll be tons more of articles just like this one for you to fwap fwap fwap it to until you cum out of your ears. Isn’t that great? And you know who gets to put those articles together?

ME, MOTHERFUCKER. ME.

So here’s where I would try to put together some half-assed conclusion about what this article means to you. I guess I could turn it into an open question and hope that the comment sections fills in the gaps in my argument, or maybe just end it with a call to action. I’m going to do neither. Why? Because, right now, I really don’t give a shit. All I really want to do is find one of these girls in the gallery above and give her a long hug and tell her I’m sorry.