While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.
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Well, shit. We’ve got iPad fever. The thing may be the cure to everything that’s wrong with our lives, but we must remember our conflicted relationship with the iPhone. For one, it didn’t get us laid. Then, we lost our jobs because of DoodleJump. And third… wait, what’s this 40 minute long voicemail I just got from my dad?
Well, shit. Long weekend’s over, holidays are over, and we’re stuck with a long, cold winter still ahead of us. In a few hours, we’ll be back behind our desks, quietly praying for a resonance cascade, hoping for a way to make our job sound less pathetic, or maybe just avoiding Greg from HR. On the bright side, at least it’s not 2009! Fuck that year!
In front of the Apple Store
Everyone you know is trying not to make eye contact with you.
Mike counts out the drawer. A couple thousand and change all in a glorified Ziploc bag. He presses down the “we don’t trust our own employees” pressure sensitive ink seal, tosses the bag with all its dough in the back of the store safe and locks up the office. Everyone calls it the office, but it’s really just a 3’ x 3’ converted broom closet in the back. They all joke how they’d kill to work in an office. Any office. Even one like the broom closet. But preferably one like the TV show.
10.) Achievement unlocked: “Virgin 2.0”
9.) Don’t you hate grinding.
8.) Shh! My raid can still hear us!
7.) How do I invert your Y-axis?
6.) I call it “Active reloading.”
If in 2012 the American public wants to rewind and watch the Bush/Cheney approach once again devalue our great nation, Sarah Palin is an apt, if aggressive candidate. But if what they want is a power forward with an inhuman mid-range jumper, vote Malone. Karl Malone.
Mulgore, 9:33 GMT
Roggie and Siri Two-Moons sat on top of a hill and watched the clouds for two hours before realizing that they were actually plumes of smoke, and that an Alliance raid had destroyed Orgrimmar.