1. The ones in that game where the girl’s taking a shower and it looks like a real shower and she looks dead behind the eyes. Man I bet those things would have been so fun to play with if I lathered my hands up with some shampoo or body lotion first.

2. The ones in that game with the quick-time events. I caught myself looking at them so often that I totally missed the story, unless the story was about them awesome titties.

3. The ones in that game no one played, but like everyone saw the video on YouTube, right? Man, that shit was weird.

4. The ones in that shockwave poker game. They gave me a one card stud in my pants, if you know what I mean. A boner. Because those tits were so damn nice.

5. The ones in that game where you solve a block puzzle and it reveals a little of her skin; and you solve another block puzzle and you see some more, like maybe her boobs; and then you solve the final puzzle which reveals her penis and you’re all like this is so not what I want from my block puzzles games.

6. The ones on the front of the box of that game I found in the bargain bin. They were bigger than I’ve ever seen. That’s not why I bought it, though. I bought it because I love 4X Strategy.

7. The ones on that game where you’re killing bears. They were all draped in flannel and shit, which is normally a huge turn-off for me, but I guess I was so fucking hot from killing all those bears that I went full mast in the middle of a crowded bar and loved it.

8. The ones on that girl who is pretty much famous for having great tits. Yeah, I know this is an obvious choice but if I didn’t include it on the list I’d feel like such a pretentious snob. Plus, have you looked at those things lately? They’re out of fucking control.

9. The ones in the handheld game, where you have to collect all the little people fight each other or some shit. I don’t remember exactly what the point of the game is, all I know is that halfway through the game this chick with massive bazoongas shows up to fight you and I’m like, “Yes, please!”

10. Those ones in that online RPG, where she’s like, probably being played by a dude, and you’re supposed to be killing the King of the Undead or something but all you want to do is be like, “Pause raid” and max out your Titty Touching trade.

11. The ones in that old cartridge that my uncle popped in when I visited him at the tender age of eleven. He was like, “You want to see something really cool?” And I was like, “Sure.” And he was like,  “Okay, but only if you don’t tell your Mom.” And then he showed me this little dude fucking this little chick onscreen for points and I was like, forever changed. I was all, “Video games are awesome!” And he was like, “Shut up and drink this beer.”