It used to be, we’d get one or two applications for work like this. I mean, it’s entry-level data entry – and it’s a third shift gig. You take everything that the real employees have done during the rest of the day, type it into a computer starting at 10 PM, and you’re out of the office before the people we pay real money walk in the door with Starbucks cups at 9:30. But since the recession hit, it seems like everyone we get is insanely overqualified – and that means we have to look a little closer at these resumes.

So I was wondering, Mr. Siegel – what exactly is this “gamerscore” you have listed under “awards and achievements” on your resume? It seems like quite a large number – 44,550 as of 12/12/09, you say – but I can’t say that I can place it under any of the references I’ve seen before. I don’t know who or what this Ga-mere is – am I saying it correctly? Gah-mayre? Gay-murr? Is it a standardized test? A college competition?

Oh, so you did acquire it during college – or, the majority of it? I see. But you’re still working on it. Well, that’s noble, very noble. I wish I had made more of an effort to continue my education. You see, I always planned on being more than a night manager – but I’m sure we all have dreams. Hell, I’m sure yours never included this, either. But it’s important work, and we need to know that you’re thorough.

Well, that’s quite thorough, indeed – 1000/1000 on 22 of your titles? Titles – so you’re saying that this is based on a number of competitions? Like an… academic decathlon? Very impressive. Can’t say I ever had much of a brain for the trivia myself – except for the occasional Jeopardy re-run. Or maybe an episode of 1 vs. 100 - I do have a soft spot for Bob Saget. Such a pity it turns out he enjoys swearing in his free time.

What’s that? You were “the one” in 1 vs. 100? Wow, you must be quite the… Oh. You seem quite proud for someone who only walked away with 200 dollars. 200 points? No, I think we must be talking about different things. The show I’m talking about gives away dollars. Not these… Gay-mayr-score points.

Well, I’m sure I must be in the wrong here. Could you explain to me what exactly these points are? I mean, clearly you’re a immensely qualified candidate, and this seems like it must just be a formality. I mean, this truly seems like a major accolade on top of a fairly impressive resume to begin with. Just… Start at the very beginning for me.

…

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… You’re talking about your fucking Xbox?