From December 2008 to March 2009, it was an almost daily ordeal for the staff at TechQuick Consulting in Lowell, Massachusetts. Sometime between first encountering him at the coffeemaker in the morning and running into him at happy hour at Dempsey’s across the street, Hal Williams was bound to corner you with a story that started, “So you totally should have played Left 4 Dead with me last night. We were in the middle of ‘Blood Harvest’, when…”

The stories varied from “a hunter managed to take out the other three guys on my time, and then as soon as I killed him, a tank spawned, so I took him out on my own and it was awesome” to “everybody ran for the helicopter and I made it and then I tried to run back to save Sam but then the level ended and Sam was stuck watching us leave” to “I totally played with a real girl.” And for almost 4 months, there was at least one every week, almost always told with childlike breathless enthusiasm.

But once his enthusiasm dulled, a period of relative peace began in the office. Hal kept his stories to an occasional World of Warcraft rant or an elaborate retelling of an escape from the police in Grand Theft Auto 4. The office quickly came to an agreement that Rachel’s interminable stories about what her two “adorable” children were now, once again, the most annoying thing about their co-workers. And Hal was once again invited to lunch and happy hour. Until Left 4 Dead 2 happened.

“I didn’t even know it was coming out until I saw it on the side of a bus,” said his coworker Rick Maxwell. “I saw that bus go by me, and I just thought – aw, fuck, here comes another dozen email forwards about things Louis hates. I don’t get it – I thought they just put one of those games out last year. What kind of suckers keep buying the exact same thing year after year?”

Sucker or not, Hal quickly returned to his old habits – and his old desire to share. “Turns out, there’s… like, a carnival or something?” added Maxwell, “To hear Hal talk about it, it’s like that Zoe girl comes out of his TV and gives him a blowjob every night. Plus, he keeps going on and on about how dumb the protestors are and how awesome and different Left 4 Dead 2 is. Sure sounds about the same to me, from the dumbass stories he keeps telling.”

Attempts to interview Hal for this story were unsuccessful, as he was “totally about to get through The Parish on Realism with his friends, and they were just getting past this part where one guy totally got caught in between two tanks and there was totally a…” At this point, the reporter hung up the phone.