Dance Dance Revolution
That guy isn’t dancing by himself. He’s playing a game. It’s called Dance Dance Revolution. I don’t know why it says dance twice, Grandma. Maybe because they really like dancing. No, I don’t think they have the Charleston. It’s more like break dancing. You know, street dancing? Yeah, like Michael Jackson. There are pads on the ground that sense where their feet are. American Bandstand? I don’t think so.

Silent Hill
Whoa! Don’t look at the TV, Grandma! Just leave the room! Dad! Come get Grandma! No, I have no idea where your sweater is. Well, why did you put it in here? This is my bedroom, not a coat check. No, I’m not watching a movie. I’m playing a video game. I know it looks like a movie. That’s because the graphics are really good. He’s a pyramid head. He’s chasing me with a sword, which is why I can’t help you find your sweater. Because if he catches me he’s going to cut me in half and wear my skin as a hat, Grandma! Why are you screaming? Stop screaming! Dad!

Beatles Rock Band
It’s the Beatles, grandma. I control them. No, I can’t make them get a haircut. See, I play this plastic guitar to their music and… Because I don’t have time to learn real guitar.  Because I’m busy. Yes, Grandma, busy playing video games, very funny. No Grandma, I don’t have any plastic groupies. Would you just – Dad, Grandma’s doing the stand-up routine thing again!

Katamari Damacy
It’s a game, not a Japanese dish. It’s about this little green man who wants to rebuild the Moon. And the stars. Why? Because his Dad blew it up. Because he was drunk, like Grandpa was. The story is actually really unimportant to be honest, Grandma. What’s important here is the game mechanic. Game mechanic. No, it’s not someone who fixes games. I know it sounds like that’s what it should be, but it’s not. It’s how the game operates. Yes, I know it runs on electricity. I meant inside the game. What’s on the computer, Grandma. No one has ever made a game where you have to roll a giant ball of stuff that gets bigger and bigger. I just told you why! So he can rebuild the moon, Grandma!

Wii Sports Bowling
Wow, Grandma, you’re really good. Where’d you learn to bowl. Really? With Grandpa? Everyday? Yeah, I miss him too. Sure, you can bring it home. I don’t use it much anyway.

Halo
Chill out. I’m not killing people, Grandma. They’re aliens. Well maybe you should get your prescription glasses checked. I’m the only one who can defend Earth. I’m the Master Chief. Chief, not chef. It’s a military rank. I know he was in the army, Grandma. I’ve seen his purple heart. This is nothing like Normandy. This is on Earth way in the future. That’s Cortana. She doesn’t have to wear clothes. Because she lives in my head, Grandma. Just like you did when Grandpa was killing the Nazis.

Harvest Moon
No, I don’t want to help with your garden. Because this is a video game, and in video games pulling weeds is fun. The goal? To have a clean farm. To impress the girls in town. You marry them. In the video game. I have not called Fran’s granddaughter. I don’t want to. Yes, Grandma, because I’d rather be pulling weeds.

Grand Theft Auto
It’s not what you think. I have to steal these cars. Because I’m going to sell them to charity or something. Uh…to combat childhood leukemia. Right, just like a modern day Robin Hood. Oops. Well, sometimes you accidentally run over a pedestrian or two. But this money I get for this car is going to save at least two kids, so I think I’m balanced out karmically. Damn it. I mean, darn it. Those are cops. Because they saw me run over that woman. Can’t do that, Grandma. Because if I pull over, then I can’t sell the car, and then where would all those bald kids be? That’s right. Dead. Damn it. I mean, darn it. I’m cornered. Okay, so now I’m going to have to shoot a cop. Just one though. Think of the sick kids, Grandma.