Thanks for coming over, Cam. I know, I know. You got a lot of homework to do. So do I, but I figured it was worth ditching to hanging out at my house while Dad is gone. I can’t have any fun when he’s around. It’s like he can smell me or something.

Don’t worry. No one saw us come in here but Mr. Davis, the mailman. He’s cool. He won’t rat us out.

So what do you want to do? I’ve got Legos, I’ve got an Xbox. I’d say we could play in my treehouse but Dad took it apart. He said he needed the wood for arrows. Something about a guy named Oblivious who is coming over later.

Hey! I got an idea! Want to see where my dad keeps his cerebral bore?

Follow me. Prepare to be blown away.

What do you mean you’ve never heard of it? It’s only the coolest thing ever invented ever. Don’t let the name fool you, there’s nothing boring about it. Dad says he got it on one of his business trips to Lotsland. He goes there a lot and when he gets back he eats a lot of turkey and sleeps for days.

Hold this chair steady. It’s way up here.

Yeah. I think it was made by NASA or something. Shiny, huh? Here’s where the stuff comes out and here’s where you put the stuff in. No, I don’t really know what it does. I just know it looks cool. I asked Dad once and got this weird look in his eye and ran around a corner.

Want to try it out? Let’s go outside. I’ll carry it.

We’re gonna have to walk pretty far into the woods to find anything. Dad likes to Nuke the raccoons every Spring. I like seeing the explosion and eating all the squirrels and stuff, but I kind of miss the sound of birds. And I get these weird rashes on my face afterward.

Watch your step. Dad likes to set traps around here. He says it’s because “you never know when the champaigner will show up again.” Whatever that means.

Look! There’s a frog! It’s not very big, but it’ll get the job done. Man, it has no idea what’s coming to it. Well, I don’t either, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be great.

Why’re you backing up? Don’t you want to see this thing blow up?

Oops! I–

Uh oh. Um! It wasn’t me! I mean, I didn’t mean to! I mean, my finger slipped!

Where’s that thing going? The frog is the other way, stupid! It looks like it’s tracking something. Man, that sound is annoying.

Oh no. It’s Mr. Davis, the mailman! Where the heck did he come from? Watch out, Mr. Davis! Run! Run for your life!

OH NO, IT’S DRILLING INTO HIS SKULL! IS HIS BRAINS AND GUNK ARE POURING OUT AND STUFF!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!

OH NO, HIS HEAD JUST EXPLODED! AND HE’S STILL RUNNING AROUND! IS HE A ZOMBIE OR SOMETHING?

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!

YOU JERK! WHAT’D YOU DO THAT FOR? WHY’D YOU MAKE ME SHOOT MR. DAVIS WITH THE CEREBRAL BORE!? ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS PLAY WITH LEGOS AND DO HOMEWORK! JUST WAIT UNTIL I TELL MY DAD WHAT YOU DID! HE’S GOING TO SCALP YOU!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!