After much debate concerning the Undead community, PETA has called for a more humane approach to removing ravenous brain-eating zombies from our cities.

“For too long, we have rid this planet of flesh-eating monsters with chainsaws and guns,” says long-time zombie activist Joel Eddy, “It’s time we consider the zombies feelings.”

“I for one, would not be averse to a humane traps, or maybe a pied piper.” continues Eddy. “I don’t care what science says. Just because zombies have a rotted nervous system doesn’t mean they can’t feel things like everyone else.”

The Committee for the Death to the Undead released this statement:

“Shooting the shit outta these dead freaks is an American tradition!  When these organizations want to stop me from shoving a grenade through a zombie’s teeth just because it’ll look that much cooler when it blows, I just get so, so, so angry! Besides, if the great Director in the sky didn’t want me killin’ zombies, then why keep spawning the ammo I need to decimate the zombie population.”

The Head of the Paramount Pictures came up with a compromise:

“You’re putting America at risk by trying to stop these biological terrorists with tribunals and incendiary bombs dropped over entire quarantined areas.  The only logical way to stop this disease from spreading is to send one to three people who are trained in Taekwondo to kill each zombie with their bare hands. And film it. And edit it together into a movie called Ninja vs. Zombies. And I’ll own the rights. Christ, the title’s a license to print money.”

PETA acquiesced to this proposal from Paramount, saying “so long as gun toting zombie hunters don’t take the super-cheap route of hiding behind teammates when shit gets real, or becoming completely dependent on Survivors respawning in a closet, then it’s OK to kill as many zombie as possible, ONLY DURING TIMES OF DISTRESS like when they’re trying to eat you!  But unnecessary brutal force is still not an option, unless you have an uber-sweet chainsaw-hand like in Sam Raimi’s Army of Darkness.  That was pretty bad-ass.”

Additional reporting from Hardcasual’s own Daniel Wilbur.