Down on Bourbon Street, 3 AM still feels basically the same. There are the shuffling, unsteady feet, the moans of the damned, the desperate attempts of the addle-brained to be satiated in any way possible. As most people know, there has been a small change in New Orleans in the last few years – the invasion of hundreds of thousands of flesh-hungry zombies, who carry a plague that wakes the dead and unearths horrific demons. But as the locals can tell you, New Orleans still has a vibrance of its very own, and a few zombies could never change that.

“Everybody told me I was crazy for not leaving New Orleans after Katrina,” said one resident. “Said that it was a damned deathtrap, sure to be swallowed by the sea in a matter of weeks. Well, look around you. Sure, it’s full of brain-chompin’ death-beasts, but at least it ain’t those FEMA assholes again. Besides, it means the line at Willie Mae’s is shorter.”

Willie Mae’s, the iconic fried chicken shack on Saint Ann Street, was infamously destroyed during Katrina and rebuilt two years later. Sure enough, the shack continues to turn out the best fried chicken in the country, although the staff report some small changes in their daily routine.

“Gov’ment worker came ’round here other day teachin’ us how to may-lay with these fryin’ pans. Says that we all oughta start tryin’ to melee when the zombies get too close. I always said, never bother no one that ain’t botherin’ you, but what can you do? These sure are strange times,” said one fry cook at Mae’s.

The mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, was one of the first zombie casualties. However, he has remained in office, as no one could tell the difference between his earlier guttural moans, gasps, and nonsensical utterances, and his current vocabulary as a zombie. When asked for his thoughts on the city’s new life, he told us, “AGggjklufuuuugh. Braiiiiiiiiiinssss. FEMAAAAA lieeeedddddddd georgewbush CHENEY. Fuuuuuuubrainsssssss.”

Many in the city are hoping that next year’s Mardi Gras will be a chance for the city to show the world just how strong it remains in the face of its recent tragedies. One Mardi Gras expert, a local named Alison Ryan, told Hardcasual, “I think it’ll be basically the same. Thousands of brain-dead freaks slowly making their way down important paths. No safe places to stop and get anything but more cocktails. Horrific monsters vomiting deadly substances onto the street and innocent civilians. Yep, New Orleans is still the best city on earth.”

She added, “I heard that there was some guy named Ellis around here who wasn’t a zombie. Did you see him? Is he cute?”