To: Insomniac Studios Design Team
FROM: QA
RE: Glitchy Weapons

Due to associated unbandageable bugs, the QA team recommends the removal of the following weapons from Ratchet and Clank before going gold.

The Cuckolder: A pistol. Primary function fires a high speed blast, finds the enemies wife, seduces her, plys her with drink, then indulges her most gaurded fantasies on the enemy’s kitcen table. Secondary function launches two target-locking goat horns, which suction to opposite ends of the enemy’s forehead. A third function updates the enemy’s facebook relationship status to: It’s Complicated.

The Late Night Serializer: A  tranquilizer pistol. The quilled round cripples the enemy. At the hospital, a doctor claims the injury simple to fix, only to notice a totally chance set of other strange symptoms tied to an unplacable, unrelated illness. Many misdiagnoses are given to the enemy, though treatment only worsens his suffering. After two years of wrong answers, the enemy looks twice his age. Abandoned by close family members exhausted from bedside rotations, the enemy takes hospice. Another year passes, then while watching his favorite baseball team fail to make the playoffs, he dies alone.

The English Major: A scoped rifle. One quick blast. On contact, the enemy is charged $90,000 and four-years of his life, for what, he knows not. Theweapon does little immediate physical damage, but has varying long term side-effects, notably lung cancer, obesity and cyrosis. It also makes the enemy really annoying after movies, because the enemy can’t just watch something for fun.

The Delicatessan: Blast rifle. Molecular reorganizing round. Transforms enemy into a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese. Must be upgraded if you still want it warm by the time you get to the office. Lox will be an extra $3.50.

The Twit.er: Pulse rifle. A highly-condensed burst of radiation designed to stewify the brain. Leaves the enemy incapable of finishing statements above 140 characters, addicted to forum links and incontinent in social settings.

The Malaproper: Melee club. A thwack of the weapon to the back of an enemies cranium causes serious trauma to the head. Often results in the enemy forgetting vocabulary or mispronounicing the final syllabus of each word.