Judge Sommer enters the courtroom at 2PM. The white-whiskered fifty-seven year old takes a seat at the bench, puts on a pair of tortoiseshell glasses, and spends a few minutes busying himself with the three-inch thick court documents.

“Alright, people. I’ve got a squash game at three, so let’s try to keep this summation brief,” Sommer says as his eyes scan the prosecution. “I’m going to assume you’re the plaintiff…”

A spritely, freckle-faced fourteen-year-old girl stands next to her lawyer and drinks a Diet Mountain Dew. Her cherry red hair hangs down to the small of her back. She’s wearing a ‘Bombshell” Meat Bun t-shirt and a too-short dress skirt.

This is Janine Telinski. She’s about to be the youngest video game writer of all time.

“Yes, your honor,” she says and gives a shy little wave. The two stone-faced attorneys representing Square-Enix shift uncomfortably in their seats.

“Plantiff alleges that the plot of Square-Enix’s video game ‘Dis-did-e-a’ very closely resembles the plot of her…” The judge squints at the page. “…her fan fiction piece titled, let’s see here, ‘Cloud & Squall & Terra & Tidus & Cecil & Bartz & Firion VERSUS Sephiroth & Kefka & Ultimecia & Jecht & Kuja & Garland & Golbez.”

Telinksi mouths the title as Sommer reads it aloud.

“Can you let the court know what the hell fan fiction is?”

Telinski flashes her pink and green braces. “Sure! Fan-fiction is where you take characters from, like, other things, like, video games or movies, or TV shows, or stuff like that and then write about, like, stuff that they do, like, stuff that happens after the story is done or before the story is done, or sometimes stories take place between–”

Miles Whitford, one of Square-Enix’s attorneys, rises and shouts, “All fourteen of the characters mentioned in this story are the intellectual property of Square-Enix. We’re all for fair rights use, but she has no right to them.”

“These characters are family!” Telinksi shouts.

Judge Sommer yawns. “Alright, settle down. Let’s see what we’re dealing with.” He flips through the file folder. “Here’s something.” He clears his throat. “Telinksi, how about you play Sephiroth and Mr. Whitford, how would you like to be Warrior of Light?”

Whitford is at a loss. “…of course, your honor.”

Telinksi and Whitford meet before the bench with their dockets in hand. The girl wields a yardstick like Masamune. An unamused Whitford speaks into his hand.

Sephiroth: Well done. However…is the only one who can defeat me that guy after all?
Warrior of Light: What are you saying…?
Sephiroth: I have a query. Why do you wield a sword and fight?
Warrior of Light: To obtain the crystals and end the fighting.
Sephiroth: Fighting to stop the fighting…? How poetic. How long must the fighting pile up before we reach such a conclusion?
Warrior of Light: Though it is certainly far away, I will definitely reach it.
Sephiroth: No, you’re wrong. There is no hope for the fighting to end. There are people like me who fight just for fun.

Whitford drops the docket on the ground and turns to Judge Sommer. “She can’t possibly be arguing that this waste of internet is similar to the award-winning product recently put out by the defendant. It’s absurd!”

“Your Honor, that’s actually from the game,” she says, looking a bit confused. “My story is still in my backpack.” She removes a print of her opus from the front pocket.

Whitford returns to his seat and crosses his arms. His partner doesn’t look up from his papers, which he furiously highlights.

Telinksi carries her tome towards the bench. The courtroom lights make the glitter on her nose sparkle. “My story, which I wrote like a whole year before anyone had ever even heard of this Dissidia game, is about all the heroes from Final Fantasy, like, getting together, and, like, fighting against Chaos.

“Chaos is an ancient God. A real mean dude. So each of the heroes has to collect a crystal that gives them the power, and when they, like, combine the crystals they get the power to fight Chaos. But, he, like, gets the bad guys from the Final Fantasies to help him stop them.”

“Okay,” Judge Sommer says, “and what’s similar in Dis-did-sidia’s plot?”

Whitford looks up, lost in his head. “You’re asking me? Uh…well…I guess the concept of having all these characters – which my defendant owns, remember – all fighting each other for reasons that don’t make a lot of sense. That’s what they have in common.”

Telinksi sighs. “Not true, Your Honor. If you we could go line by line, I could, like, show you just how exactly much these two things are the same. Let’s start in Chapter Seven: The Cloud’s Caverns of Sorrow.”

Judge Sommer reaches over the desk and flips through a stack of papers, criss-crossed with pink highlighter. “Holy shit, this story goes on forever, doesn’t it? This is going to require some time.”

Mr. Whitford puts his head in his hands.

“Lucy,” Judge Sommer says to the stenographer, “how about your order us one of those giant party subs? Looks like I’m missing my squash game today. And probably tomorrow. And the day after that.”

Telinski raises her hand. “Actually, Your Honor, I’d appreciate if we could take a brief recess. I have another trial across the hall that starts in two minutes. I’m suing Nintendo for stealing my story ‘Link VERSUS Mario VERSUS Sonic VERSUS Pit VERSUS Bowser VERSUS Samus VERSUS Kirby VERSUS Fox VERSUS Pikachu.”

Written by Hardcasual’s Canadian Correspondent Filipe Salgado.