A black, pulsating mass with an angry expression on its face hangs to the side of Bowser’s interior stomach wall. The blob laughs maniacally and spits out tiny angry mini-blobs. They skitter off towards other parts of the body, spreading misery and mayhem wherever they go.

It doesn’t take a doctor to see that if someone doesn’t intervene quickly on Bowser’s behalf, it’s only a matter of time before this tumor claims the giant dinosaur’s life.

Mario and Luigi stand before the rubbery mass with awestruck expressions on their faces. The two tiny Italian plumbers who have working their way through the lizard’s innards for seven hours now. This is the first time they’ve seen anything like this.

“Holy-a-macaroni! It’s-a-tumor!” Luigi exclaims. “It’s-a-bigger-than-anything-I’ve-ever-a-seen! Do-you-think-it’s-a-cancerous, Mario?”

Mario removes his trademark red cap and scratches his chin. “I-don’t-a-practice-a-medicine-a-anymore, Luigi. But-a-I’d-bet-a-you-two-canolis-that-a-Bowser-only-have-a-couple-more-weeks-a-to-live!”

“Oh-no! I’m-a-take-care-of-this!” Luigi shouts as he pulls a gigantic green turtleshell out of his back pocket. He prepares to punt it like a football. Mario holds out his hand. Luigi balks. “What’s-a-the-problem, Mario?”

“Let’s-a-think-about-this-a-little-bit…”

“What’s-a-there-to-think-about? We-a-need-Bowser-to-live-so-a-he-can-save-the-Kingdom-from-that-a-terrible-Fawful!” Luigi says and kicks the ground angrily.

“I-a-know-that, you-silly-slice-a-spaghetti!” Mario says and puts his cap back on. “But-you-know-as-well-as-I-do-that-a-Bowser-only-cause-a-trouble-for-us-all-the-time! I-think-it-a-make-more-sense-to-let-a-nature-take-its-course-this-time.”

Luigi stares at his brother for a few seconds, then at the tumor. “But-it’s-a-in-our-way!” It’s true. The tumor is blocking the path to Bowser’s prostate. It looks like there’s no way around it. “I-think-a-we-should-just-a-jump-on-it-a-few-times-and-see-what-happens.”

Mario sighs. “Okay-a-Luigi, I-guess-we-can-do-that-but-the-important-think-is-that-we-don’t-break-the—“ He jumps in surprise. “NO-LUIGI-A-STOP!

It’s too late. Luigi has already punted the shell directly into the tumors fat, cancerous face. The shell punctures the mass’s thin skin and hundreds of mini-blobs pour out. They cackle as they invade Bowser’s innards. Mario slaps his forehead. Luigi’s cheeks turns bright red. “Oopsie-daisy!” he says softly.

“Oopsie-daisy-is-a-right, you-big-Leaning-Tower-a-Pizza! Now-a-there-a-gonna-be-cancer-all-over-the-place! You-just-took-away-weeks-of-his-life!”

Luigi avoids his brother’s gaze. “I’m-a-gonna-tell-him-after-we-a-get-rid-of-that-terrible-Fawful. Don’t-worry,” he says.

Mario shakes his head and starts forward. He bounces from stray blob of baby cancer to stray blob of baby cancer as he goes.

Luigi follows suit, but stays a few blobs back.“No, a-Luigi. We-not-gonna-tell-a-nobody-about-this, okie-dokie?” Mario asks. “If-anyone-a-ask, we-a-never-saw-a-no-cancer. We-a-both-gonna-be-as-quiet-as-a-couple-a-Yoshi.”