“Lemme show you, because it’s really got to be seen to be understood.” Cod says. The fish lurches over a Dell desktop, its blue glow illuminating the east side of his one-bedroom aquarium. He boots up Firefox, then types his name into the Google search engine. C – O – D.

103,000,000 results, 10 of which fill the page: Call of Duty. Call of Duty World at War. Call of Duty Video. Hot Nude Babes Call of Duty Free Cock Rings. And more of the same.

It’s been a hard half-decade for Cod, who’s become practically unGooglable thanks to the skyrocketing popularity of video game franchise Call of Duty.

Most fans know it by its acronym: CoD.

“What is a man if not Googleable?” ponders a sullen Cod over an extra large mug of green tea. The moment exposes Cod’s existential side. Friends describe him as an open book. They say Cod never plays koi.

Unfortunately, for Cod, his bread depends on Google. The fish’s Jane’s Addicition fan blog, Cod Stealing, has recently gone unnoticed by the interwebs. And without hits, Cod has struggled to net advertisers.

“These days, I can hardly afford a nibble,” says Cod, who’s survived the past month by eating flakes of dried skin.

Activision, publishers of Call of Duty, show little sympathy for the fish. “New names replace old names. It’s the nature of Google. The strong make it up stream. The weak flounder.”

Those are the words of Activision CEO, Bobby Kottick, in a recent blast publicity e-mail. He continues. “That said, we do understand cod’s having a reel hard time. It’s like the fish can’t catch a break. But let’s not forget Cod isn’t even Cod’s name.”

“This is true. Gadus is my god given name,” explains Cod. A nebbish fish with a strong lateral lisp, Gadus was socially shunned by his elementary school of fish.

Says Cod, “They called my Gay-puss. That’s a name that sticks to a fish.”

Fishsticks! we say.

“What do you thinks this is? A joke?”