Less than two weeks after 9.9.09 and its accompanying media blitz, Richard Walsh of Grand Rapids, Michigan has remembered something he had briefly forgotten – he’s fucking sick of the Beatles.

“Elevator music, plain and simple,” said Walsh, reclining on a couch in his small bachelor apartment. “Tell me that you can listen to ‘Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’ more than once and not want to die a little. If you can tell me that with a straight face… You can just take the game. Seriously. Just take it.”

Walsh, like millions of Americans, had pre-ordered “The Beatles: Rock Band” weeks before its numerically significant release date, assured that the title would be the most elegant, refined rhythm game ever released. As a longstanding fan of music games, he pored over song lists, achievement scores, and reviews up until the day he ran home, pulled the plastic wrap off the green DVD case, and played the game.

“I finished it in one sitting. And they gave me an achievement for that. They rewarded me for the fact that I managed to play through their 3 hour game in 3 hours. So I thought – man, they must have something up their sleeve. They must have planned for that, right? But no – it turns out, all that you get to do is play ‘She’s So Heavy’ over and over again, whether it’s in a “challenge” or in quickplay or in the actual game. Has anyone ever listened to ‘She’s So Heavy’ over and over again? Even when people were actually excited about the Beatles?”

Attempts to drag more excitement out of the game led Walsh to throw a number of Beatles-themed Rock Band parties. Soon, though, he realized that even this was useless. “It turns out all people want to talk about is why their favorite song isn’t in the game. Jennifer, my girlfriend, was all like ‘Where’s “Hey Jude”? Where’s “A Day in the Life”? What the fuck is “Boys”?’ I couldn’t answer any of those. So we just played ‘Drive My Car’ again, and I died a little bit inside.”

“You know how every time you have people over to play Rock Band, all they want to do is play ‘Say It Ain’t So’? This is like if they made a whole game where the only song is ‘Say It Ain’t So’,” he added.

“I want to thank Harmonix, really,” he reflected, “for making me realize how tedious and inescapable the Beatles really were. I don’t think I ever owned a Beatles album, but I know every one of these fucking songs. Even ‘Dig A Pony’. Why the fuck do I know ‘Dig A Pony’? If it weren’t for this game, I might have gone out and bought those remastered CDs. But they saved me $250 by making me realize – good God, those Beatles are a boring band, when it comes down to it.”

When asked if he would buy any of the forthcoming DLC for the game, he shuddered and said, “They’re going to charge me $2 for ‘The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill’? I will eat my own face before that day comes.”