In a shocking turn that many in the racing community have called a true “Time Trial” for the more inclusive, family-friendly image of the Mario Kart circuit, popular female racer Birdo has been pulled from competition in next weekend’s 150cc Star Cup amidst allegations that she has internal male sex organs. The condition, better known as hermaphroditism, would make Birdo neither a female nor a male by any textbook definitions.

Rumors had long swirled among the racing community about Birdo’s abnormally sized hands and Adam’s apple, and the way she seemed to tower over the other female competitors. One fellow female racer, speaking under condition of anonymity, told us, “I would stand up on the dias, and she would be a full level below me – but she’d still tower over me. How was I supposed to gleefully go through my one repetitive hand-clapping motion indefinitely with that going on next to me?”

Birdo, who has been unavailable for comment, was widely known for her bizarre behavior. Her deep voice, long a source of embarrassment for her, led to her rarely speaking, often just resorting to blowing kisses – indescriminately, at men, women, animals, and infants. Her pronounced musculature gave her a distinct advantage on the track, and many found her style of dress bizarre.

“It’s like, I get it,” said one fellow racer, “You want us all to know you’re a girl. You wear the biggest bow I’ve ever seen – and I race with some chicks with some completely absurd bows – and you’re bright pink. But sometimes, you take all this girly-girl stuff a little too far – like you’re hiding something. Like undescended male genitalia. In your body.”

Reports of her ability to launch eggs from her mouth had long seemed to confirm her femininity, but the recent allegations have raised speculation that she was actually launching one of her species’ several thousand testicles that, in her unfortunate case, had never descended.

Mario, both the league’s chairman and one of its most famous racers, released a brief statement, reading: “We here at the Mario Kart circuit don’t want to prejudge anyone. But we do come from a simpler culture, where men are men, women wear bows and bake cookies, adults can race right alongside their infant selves, and monkeys and reptiles can race go-karts together if they can set aside their petty differences for a few minutes.”

“That being said, Birdo has always weirded me out, and I’d be happy to see that freak get thrown out of this league.”