March 15, 2009

Dear Mr. Ant-Man:

Activision has carefully reviewed your application to play a supporting role in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. We regret to notify you that due to the very keen competition for a limited number of non-playable character slots, we are unable to offer you an interview and therefore a place in our title.

As you know, Activision prides itself on a strong moral foundation. This year more than three thousand candidates applied for the fifty-two characters featured in game’s narrative. The first round of candidates were trimmed by basic character musts. You were disqualified unfortunately by your publicized history of spousal abuse.

Your willingness to build a robot with full intentions of destroying the world was equally repelling.

The decision not to offer you an interview should not be construed as that Activision does not consider you qualified for a career as a super hero, but rather a result of the your misdoings.

Thank you for your interest in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. On behalf of Activision, I wish you every success in pursuit of your future superhero endeavors.
Sincerely yours,
Derrick Greene
Community Manager, Vicarious Visions

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April 1, 2009

Mr. Greene,

Ultimately, I believe you will live to regret this. At first, maybe not. You are, after all, young and foolish. But as life passes you by, I believe this decision will repeat itself in your nightmares like a late night loop of paid programming on the television of your mind.

However, I am not a vengeful man. You may not believe this, but I do not necessarily enjoy imagining you haunted, waking in a cold sweat, the name Henry Pym dangling from your dry, cracking lips.

That is why I will now give you this chance to put a band-aid on your judgmental boo-boo. Please respond to me with the date and times for my mo-cap session. Thursdays are bad for me, as that’s laundry day.

Bests.

Henry Pym, Ant-Man

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April 28, 2009

Dear Mr. Ant-Man,

We regret to inform you that your application will receive no further consideration neither for Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 or any future Marvel Ultimate Alliance products.

As you know, the game is limited to 52 characters, and they have all been selected. While Activision has plans to expand upon the MUA universe with fan-favorite heroes and villains, you will not be one of them. You’re hostile correspondence has forced our hand to ban you permanently from the franchise.
Sincerely,
Derrick Greene
Community Manager, Vicarious Visions

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June 15, 2009

Derrick,

Boo!

Are you scared? You should be! For under your own watchful eyes, I snuck into last month’s mo-cap session. Whether you like it or not, Mr. Greene, I will be in this game.

You must be asking yourself, How did this mad genius infiltrate the studio under while your hawkish guard. Two words: Pym Particles.

With the power of nanotechnology , I have again made myself small, as we all begin, and into your mo-cap session, I rode on mouse back.

Climbing onto the back of Wolverine, I was captured by your thousands of camera. And thus, I am in your game.  So small my role, so large my statement by playing it.

But what really have my actions accomplished? After all, revenge was not achieved realizing what I was due to begin with. I have my role, but you do not have your punishment for so long withholding it.

This feud isn’t over, Greene. Not by a, shall I say, short shot. You will be punished.

How? When? Where? You may never know, for I am so small the naked eye cannot see me. Perhaps I am on this very letter, watching you sweat. Or perhaps I can be found nesting between your wife’s bosom in a microscopic cottage.

Will you still be able to love her knowing it is I who looks back at you during moments of ecstasy?

Muahahahahaha!

Yours,
The Ant

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August 2, 2009

Dear Albany County Coroner’s Office,

Enclosed, please find one Mr. Ant-Man. Found dead this morning, I suspect someone smashed him with a coffee mug.

Sincerely,
Derrick Greene
Community Manager, Vicarious Visions