Your Audi R8, lacquered in lipstick red, cuts down a stretch of baked blacktop. On one side, lush swaths of sun-kissed foliage. On the other, a warm-hued chasm. Sitting shotgun, a beautiful Italian women no older than 21 with breasts like cantaloupe. She craves speed.

About a quarter-mile ahead of you waits a hairpin turn, but your job, your soul duty in this moment, is to impress. “I’m so gonna get laid,” you think as you shift gears, 4 to 5, and knock down the pedal. The turn nears – 100 yards, 50 yards, 10 yards.

A squeal of tires and metal and rock – your body tightens up straight like an arrow or your fresh erection. With unintended grace you soar through a field of shattered glass, warm blood and chunks of hair. You bust open your skull on the hood of your car, which has crumpled up like the foil wrapped around a picnic sandwich – part of a planned lover’s afternoon you and this bosomy vixen will now be unable to attend.

You and the girl lie flayed on the street, your organs cooking in the sun. No one will find you – not on this recently paved road on an unpopulated, indistinguishable tropical island. Even if they did, there are no hospitals here. Or even ambulances. Just garages.

You turn to the woman, whose face is peppered with flakes of steel and spit, her beautiful breasts (along with the rest of her chest) have been torn asunder.

Your legs are missing.  They’ve been cleanly detached from your torso and cast to the side of the road like a couple popped tires. You gasp in horror, but you cannot catch your breath, as your left lung has begun to fill with bile.

This is No Seatbelt Mode, a new racing simulation designed by concerned mothers exclusively for Forza 3.

“We’ve always strived to make Forza the definitive racer for everyone,” says Dan Greenwalt, the franchise’s director. “For years, we’ve been the go to when it came to all men and younger women but now, thanks to the support of volunteer mothers nationwide, we can say we offer a little bit for everyone.”

“I was just so concerned with the cars and the fast driving and the not wearing any helmets or a coat so you don’t catch a cold,” said Jane Kaczmarek, who played Lois, the mother in the popular Fox series Malcolm and the Middle, and plays a mother to 3 in real life. Kaczmarek was one of the many mothers who have recently joined the Forza 3 team in a consulting position. “Thanks to No Seat Belt Mode my boys can see what happens when you’re not careful and you drive so fast with the nice cars and the pretty girls and what not. Oh, it’s horrible.”

Greenwalt says No Seat Belt Mode is just one of Forza 3’s many new features. Pressed for details, Greenwalt expands, “We’ve also reached out to a group of anxious fathers to help us design the If You Drink and Drive, You’ll Crash, Putting Your Friends Into Long-Term Comas, and You’ll Have to Live with That for the Rest of Your Life Mode.”